Tuesday, May 29, 2007

As Long As I Am Breathing...And Have Multiple Sclerosis...

One of you loyal "CHEESE" readers brought to my attention the following thought:

"Now that I (AKA, BrainCheese) am seeing considerable improvement in my MS symptoms, will I (AKA, BrainCheese) STILL be faithfully writing this blog (AKA, crap)?"

It's funny, because the thought has NEVER crossed my mind to NOT splatter my ever-loving opinion all over this web page! I imagine as long as I am breathing and HAVE an opinion (which, I am pretty certain if I AM breathing, I will remain "subtly opinionated" LOL), I will continue to egocentrically drown you in my thoughts/activities/mundane life--hopefully "all y'all" will continue to escape to the surface of my cesspool of writing and...well...gulp air!

It IS true...my MS appears to be very nicely in remission...FINALLY. All one need do is look back over last year's cornucopia of crap (sorry...I still do not have all of the AOLBRAINCHEESE transferred to this site...I'm working on it! If only the minions would cooperate...LOL) to get a clear picture of the absolute MS HELL I was living in for nearly 10 months. It has been an extremely long and winding road (isn't that a song? "The Long and Winding Road"?...I digress as usual) getting here...right here...where I am in this moment. And I am very thankful to BE here (throwing some salt over my left shoulder and knocking on wood for good luck).

But, just in case you've forgotten (or have tried various hypnosis techniques to remove the picture from your mind), my MS in 2006 started with a relapse that continued from March until 2007...with an occasional peak and valley in between. There were multiple medications tried, physical therapies, "other" specialists consulted, a hospitalization, a couple of ER visits, and a very hopeless and unhappy MS PATIENT circling the drain at the center of it all...ME!

My "new blue drug", Novantrone, has seemed to work miracles for me...so far. I STILL hold my breath every day (because it's become a habit now) and wonder in the crevasses of my mind "if"...if today will be the day the unrelenting disease of Multiple Sclerosis resumes its rumbling in my brain? If today will be the day I awaken and can't walk again, or I'm too weak, or my world is spinning, or my vision is gone, or I am in severe pain again, or...the "ifs" can be overwhelming if I let them be.

So, to avoid being overrun by "ifs", I am continuing to get out of bed each day (still have to do the morning "bed ballet" to walk upright first thing...whatever!), breathe in the wonder of my MS remission, and try to live my life to the fullest...with or without MS slumbering away in my brain right now. I know at any time, it (MS) could awaken like a dormant volcano, and erupt all over me. But like any skilled seismologist will tell you, there's just no predicting the activity of a volcano...and THAT is what my MS feels like to me right now...a slumbering and peaceful mountain, which could turn on me at any moment!

Fortunately, I live very near the magnificent Mount Rainier...she is ALSO a slumbering volcano/mountain. Living this close to a dormant volcano "could" bring on much anxiety and fear. But most of us who live in this region know, "if she blows", she blows...there's no stopping the gorgeous peak from erupting and there's no predicting when or IF (there's that lovely "if" again! LOL) it might happen. There are certainly safety drills and awarenesses one incorporates into their life living this close to the mountain...but beyond that, there's little else to do...except KEEP ON LIVING.

So...that is most likely what you will continue to see documented here on "CHEESE"...my "keep on living" approach with MS. Oh, sure...I'll throw in some MS research now and again just to keep you science-types occupied (LOL) and I'll probably continue to have a Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named story every so often. But I "hope" (as I believe YOU do, too) I have little discouraging MS news to self-report...that I can report instead on the wonderful "glaciers, forests, and peak" surrounding my quiet MS Mountain...and SHE remains a silent beast within...


harkoo said...

I would certainly hope you have found the medication that helps your ms and you will resume as nearly as normal a life as possible with this year a bad memory. We are breathing a sigh of relief for you. It will still be enjoyable reading your thoughts--by now I am hooked on your life. I am wondering today why you chose to return at all after your blissful weekend? We would have understood if you had disappeared on that island forever!



LOL...One cannot live on "bliss" alone...

And besides, I have to return to the bizarre job I have today...now THERE'S a snap back into reality!


Miss Chris said...

I'm glad you'll be keeping up the blog. You scared me there for a sec! lol

Funky Mango said...

My MS is in a different place from yours (I'm secondary progressive) but I'm right with you on the "keep on living" front. What I work by as much as possible is "I'd rather I hadn't got this thing...but I did, and I can't make it go away...so I'm going to get right on with living my life".

Keep on truckin' girl :-)

Steve said...

Unfortunately, the urge to blog is an entirely different illness. I seem to have that one, too. The thing I can't figure out is whether we blog because we have no lives, or we have such interesting lives we're compelled to blog. I choose to believe the latter. :)



The one who should "scare" you is MDMHVONPA...silly man! Where are HIS blogging priorities?!? LOL




Exactly...and you set a fine example of "keep on living", too. At least what I read in your blog anyway (since I'm not in the UK to check up on you! LOL).




The "urge to blog" being seen as an illness nearly made me wet my pants! How very true...I suppose FREUD would have something to say about it all! But probably only in reference to WOMAN bloggers...LOL


mdmhvonpa said...

come on! Join us, the living dead. Health insurance is sooo much cheaper!

Have myelin? said...

"hooked on your life", how fitting! yes, that's how it is for me. you must blog. it's like a reality show and you're the star. lol!

just noticed i have no caps. is that due to ms or laziness? huh.

your volcano analogy is apt. there she blows, there i go.

yeah, why do we blog?



The living dead?!? YOU get more done in your DAY than I accomplish in my WEEK! I think the government should be looking into harnessing YOUR energy versus electric cars...seems a safer bet solution...LOL




I once wrote a post called, "I blog, therefore I am"...I like things simplified without much thought! LOL