I had a bite of chocolate cake...there...I said it.
It was innocent enough at the time...a friend and coworker dropped by today and brought me a lovely chocolate cake from a well-known bakery. It was a small and decorated piece of wonderful chocolate cake that read, "Chemo Sucks" on top of it. She only stayed briefly and was on her way...I was nauseated as the Zofran was beginning to wear off. I thought about freezing the tempting and inviting morsel (for the time when DOWNSIZE ME would be over, which IS in two weeks!), but I knew I might be prone to sleep walking (not really...but I have blamed sleep walking on various other crimes!) and eat the whole thing!
So, I cut the cake in half and called my neighbor who readily took the chunk off my hands, and prepared to freeze the remaining half. And that's when it hit me...an overwhelming urge to swing a fork into the remaining piece and indulge my fatigued and nauseated self! I did it...I took a bite of that cake, felt a surge of unwanted guilt swirling in my already upset stomach, and proceeded to wrap the remains for the freezer.
I now feel like a Catholic at confession telling you this so...how many "hail Mary's" do I owe? Or maybe a few push ups would be a better punishment? Except those will have to wait until I'm no longer winded from the chemo when just getting up off the sofa...
(BTW...my weight loss has leveled off, my blood pressure is continuing to drop ever so slightly, my fatigue is at an all time high because of the chemo, as are my hours of sleep. And that's the DOWNSIZE ME report...)