Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
"Shake Down" Causes "Shake Up" In My Book Reading Plans: Subtitled, "The Long Awaited Book Review"...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
An "earworm" is a made up word describing any song, jingle, or medley that sticks like glue inside the ears, destined to repeat its tune or lyrics over and over in the mind, regardless of desire to ban it or keep it there...sigh...I get at LEAST one of these stuck in my head every day.
Yesterday’s earworm was a nice, little song by The Gabe Dixon Band, called “All Will Be Well”. I found myself humming the song and doing a thing I call "mumble sync"...something sort of like Milli Vanilli's lip sync debacle in the 80's only my "mumble sync" is more hit or miss. As the song plays over and over in my pea brain, I find there are certain parts of it I will "mumble sync" out loud...certain phrases or stanzas...sometimes only blurting out one or two words of the chorus, like a bad Tourette’s. Hence the name, "mumble sync"."
All Will Be Well" is a catchy piano-esque song with a smooth, speedy chorus. The main chorus words are:
All will be well.
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself.
All will be well.
You can ask me how, but only time will tell.
I have no idea why this song was floating in and out of the radio waves in my head yesterday, but it seemed significant...of course, every little brain fart of my LIFE seems significant to me! Because ALL of my thoughts are highly important...LOL
But as the song repeated itself like a broken record throughout the day, I realized I was also recalling an old poem credited to Dame Julian of Norwich and connecting some kind of unspoken mental dots. The poem I was reciting in my head (there sure "seems" to be a lot going on in my noggin, but it's a false sense of hope that ANYTHING significant is happening in there!) goes something like this:
"All shall be well, and all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be well."
For those of you not in the "know" about Dame Julian (if that really WAS her name...history is not certain), she was born in the 1300's. And, while in her early 30's, she fell gravely ill. Last Rite's were performed, yet she miraculously survived. But during her hours of dying then recovery, Dame Julian of Norwich had mystical visions, which she later documented. She wrote about the Divine and the Trinity in female terms, which was unheard of and punishable by death in her time (What am I talking about? This still IS punishable by death in 2008, isn't it?!? Blasphemy!) But, because of her standing in the Church, she was left alone to humbly serve. Her statement repeated three times of "all shall be well" in the above poem is indicative of her theology and belief of a Father-Mother-God.
Whew! I sure digress when it comes to the history books! Back to the EARWORM and the title of this post (Wait! Hey look! A chicken...LOL) Soooo, I'm earwormin' away yesterday with this upbeat, positive message groovin' in my head, and I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks. “What am I thinking?” I thought to myself…which is a confusing thing to ask one’s thoughts.
"All will be well"...nice message, optimistic, great spring-time quote."All will be well"...and then it hit me. Is this what I REALLY believe? Wow! Talk about being blind-sided by my own Super Ego, AKA, that little “Voice” within.
"All will be well"...yeah, right. I'm in the throws of an MS relapse with airport runway lights illuminating the night sky of my noggin.
"All will be well"...sure, it will be. It just ISN'T today.
"All will be well"...it WOULD be well if I were independently wealthy and didn't have to worry about health insurance, etc.
"All will be well"...if only I were well.
"All will be well"...I can't effing walk without a cane! What is my life coming to?
"All will be well"...
And so it went.
I have always tried to hold myself in the light of being a fairly upbeat person...one of those, "the glass is half full" kind of rose-colored glasses type people. And, for the most part, I DO maintain a healthy sense of humor and delight in the world. But there is also a side of me that harbors pessimistic optimism...you know the kind..."All will be well, MAYBE". LOL I hold that “maybe” card in my hand as a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE pass for this little Monopoly game called LIFE…just in case. Just in case all will NOT be well. I keep one eye forward on the board rolling the dice while clenching my JAIL PASS tightly in my sweaty hands. After all, “all might NOT be well”…pessimistic optimism.
As I sat yesterday and contemplated my “pessimistic optimism” regarding the current state of my MS and life, it dawned on me perhaps I, too, was having some sort of mystic vision just like Dame Julian of Norwich? OK, maybe not a “mystic vision”, but perhaps I was being given opportunity on this Easter Sunday to exam something greater than myself? Maybe…just maybe…my “pessimistic optimism” was doing me more harm than good at this juncture in my life? Maybe I have been wasting valuable energy clenching my GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD (just in case I need it!) and not really enjoying the game?
Sometimes I hate it when my Super Ego, AKA, that little “Voice” within, talks to me because it is always right. It is that Voice inside my head that “knows”…it is that Voice inside my head of reason, calm, understanding, fearlessness, and divine wisdom that guides me through my Monopoly game of LIFE with ease. It is that Voice, should I heed its message, that tries over and over again (like a GOOD earworm) to grab my attention within the chaotic thoughts I call my cognition.
I have NOT been enjoying the game of late…I’ve been too busy and frantic trying to control the uncontrollable…trying to “predict” which way my MS might land on the board and at what cost. After all, MS is a very difficult opponent to play against in the Monopoly game called LIFE. It doesn’t follow the standard rules of play and, even with a dripping-in-sweat GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card in my hot, little hands, there’s no guarantee I will get to USE the card. It doesn’t allow me to stock pile my fake money…it doesn’t allow me even to choose which GAME PIECE I want to represent me on the board (I always preferred the Top Hat myself).
What came to me in my “mystic vision” yesterday is this: “All will be well” is STILL a line of pessimistic optimism for me…because I am still predicting my future by saying it. It implies all is not necessarily “well” in the moment…but it WILL be…just wait and see.
Today, I am purposefully placing a made up ditty/earworm in my head called, “All IS well”…I am making a conscious choice to override the other “voices” in my thoughts wanting to play it safe…wanting to keep something back just in case I need it. I’m tearing up my GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card because I’m not afraid to go there. And, I’m rewriting Dame Julian of Norwich’s poem:
All IS well, and all IS well. And all manner of things remain well.”
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Note the time...yep, steroid insomnia!
I've become very lazy once again about responding to the profound comments y'all are leaving here on CHEESE, but I haven't missed one yet...it seems there is a "demand" (LOL) of at least ONE of my two readers for me to arrange a CHEESECHAT time so that folks will know when to sign in to BrainCheese (or avoid it!) and then sign into the chat room on the side bar.
Well, your prayers (or curses) have been answered...on somewhat short notice, let's give Saturday, March 22nd, at 10:00AM a first round try. I know weekends are not necessarily a "good" pick, especially for those of you who actually HAVE lives...but this time fits in the CHEESE schedule and, after all, it IS all about me! So, if you are around on Saturday at 10:00AM PACIFIC TIME (this means adding an hour to YOUR time zone for each zone heading east of Washington State...MNT Time=11:00AM; Central Time=12:00PM; Eastern Time=1:00PM, and so on,,,folks in Europe, Aussies, you're on your own figuring this one out!). Just click on the "Talk Amongst Yourselves" link at the top header on the side bar, and you'll be directed to a sign in page that will ask you for a screen name you'd like to use for the chat room...you can make something up clever or simply sign in with the name you use to leave comments (so we can all recognize YOU). You will have to leave a brief word or description in the box immediately below your sign in name...leave as much or as little as you'd like here. I'll be signed in as BRAINCHEESE, with "ADMIN" in my description at 10:00AM PST. I'll simply hang out there for a half hour or so to see if anyone has made it in...after that, I'm outta there, understanding that I am the ONLY one without a life on a Saturday morning! Oh, and you will need to be running Java Script on your computer to be able to see the chat room...just a thought.
After Saturday's attempt at chat, I'll try another time next week during the week...I'm thinking Wednesday, March 26th, 10:00AM PST again...same protocol for signing in, same time zones for all y'all as the Saturday chat. Let's keep it simply, eh? LOL I'll also post the next scheduled chat time on the side bar above the "Talk Amongst Yourselves" link...It's really the only place I can conveniently change things for everyone to follow.
I am not quite certain how this post will look when I publish it as I am typing from my recently gifted (yes, I DID say "gift" as in FREE! And y'all KNOW how I love FREE stuff!!!) Macintosh iBook laptop in bed. My old HP laptop bit the dust some time ago, so I have been having to post everything from my work horse desk top for many months. I am not used to the Apple ways of life (have always used Windows Operating System...sigh), so I am quickly trying to familiarize myself.
You're probably wondering how in the world I received a FREE iBook aren't you? Well, in my continuing efforts to protect the innocent, suffice it to say I have also been gifted with a number of WONDERFUL people in my life...most I refer to as dear friends. And, one of these "wonderful people" recently upgraded their laptop, deciding to "gift" me their OLD version...knowing I have been spending far too many days at home of late wasting away in Relapseville...searching for my lost shaker of salt (sorry, earworm to "Margaritaville"!) And now my tribute to a Budlite commercial..."I love you, man!" Seriously...thank you. You know who you are...
So, I'm going to hit the Blogger Publish bar soon and see what happens...I notice I am not able to change fonts or do much editing at all of posts from the iBook...I may be getting out of bed ANYWAY and heading into the office to "edit"...hate to though. The Princess O' Darkness will hear me awake at 4:00AM and believe it is time to FEED her! And, if I don't respond to her demands, she will then attempt to dismantle me...piece by piece...starting with my legs. I only hope she gnaws off my LEFT leg first...I've grown pretty tired of dragging it around with me anyway...LOL...
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Four TV shows I watch:
There is a blog I have been reading almost since the time I was diagnosed, which I only happened to stumble into. It is located at a site called, HEALTHTALK , which I refer to as a "warehousing" site for many health issues. I fell into Trevis Gleason's MS Blog called, "Life With MS", and quickly absorbed his many topics (now 300+ posts as he generally writes for HEALTHTALK M-W-F only). And, in reading his varied posts, discovered he, too, was a local Seattelite (bonus!). If you go to his blog, you will also discover he does the monthly MS podcast series in which he interviews well-known authors, neurologists, health practitioners, writers, etc., from around the U.S. (and possibly the world...I've never really paid attention to locales of guests)...and he also happens to be a recognized "food journalist and published author, an award-winning chef and culinary instructor who has taught at institutions such as Cornell University, New England Culinary Institute and California Culinary Academy (CCA)." (Sorry, Trevis...I stole that line directly from your profile!!)
So...why am I "MS outting" him (sorry if the headline was misleading folks, he's not "gay" to my knowledge...he has multiple sclerosis!!)? Well, first of all, I had the pleasure this summer of meeting this remarkably humorous man because his "Beat The Brae" MS150 tent team was my MS150 tent next door neighbors. I mostly spent my two day affair chatting it up with his girlfriend and meeting his beloved dog, Sadie...Oh, and feeding HIS team my "culinary delights" of pre-formed cookies from store bought dough and mixing margarita's for them! Sadly, I do not recall being fed any of HIS "award-winning" chef concoctions...sigh...LOLThis past month, I happened to note in my stats (those "I see you when you're sleeping and know when you're awake" Santa Claus hits all y'all make when you click on BrainCheese) there were several "hits" coming from his Healthtalk blog...I have to admit, I had become a bit remiss in my reading of his blog over the past several months...so I happened over there to attempt to figure out WHY I was having readers redirected to CHEESE...and I worried "someone" might have taken "something" out of context regarding my multi-MS Society rants of late. After all, Trevis DOES speak at many "Society" events, for which I do NOT hold against him. LOL
I don't often read the side bars of blogs because I simply don't have enough time in my days...this is the area where bloggers (such as myself) put permanent links, blogger information, and a world of other "ideas"...I figure if I've read them ONCE when I first discover the blog, I'm good to go, so to speak...only "updating" my viewing of these side bars when something new catches my eye or I'm directed by the blogger to check something out. Since some time had passed in my reading of Trevis' blog, I decided to view his side bar...and it is here, I discovered he had (obviously recently, given the recent redirects to CHEESE) put up a short list of "Recommended Blog Reads"...BrainCheese was listed at the top of the 5 recommendations (only because the letter "B" comes at the beginning of the alphabet, I am certain!), along with two of my favorite MS reads, Brass And Ivory (listed as "Carnival of Bloggers", hence coming in the "C" section of the alphabet!), and Sunshine And Moonlight .
I don't know if I should be honored or highly "concerned" to be listed as a "Recommended Blog Read" on Trevis' site...I had no idea HE read CHEESE and I seriously worry this might be some kind of REVENGE for what (I'll just say "I") might have "witnessed" happening to his beloved MS150 Team Banner on his tent day 2 of the ride! I know I was secretly BLAMED for this:
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
I don't know where we are with the Tysabri...(*CENSORED**) might know. I just completed all of the prereq's today that you ordered on 2/14.