Screw Washing The Sheets!...

DAYUM IT!! The sheets will just have to wait...and you can ALL blame my friend, Steve, over at Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu - Steve's BJJ blog for this! Bastid...he has grappled me in a no-gi omoplata (I frankly have NO idea what that means and just made it up!) death grip, meme entitled, "7 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME". I plugged my ears and did the "la la la la la" song...but seeing as how I am a completely unfocused dust particle wildly flying on the steroidal winds, I felt compelled to respond.

Here...fascinating crap below...all about me...thank HIM!

1. I have a serious phobia of snakes. I once fell in a boarded up well in a pasture in the night while out with my family frog hunting on a pond...yes, we DID do such things on the farm! Caught frogs by flashlight to enter into the village "Frog Jumping Contest" each year for the Harvest Festival. LOL Anywhozit...we were walking in an unfamiliar pasture that just happened to have an old well that just happened to have rotted boards covering the opening that just fortunately DID have a boarded cap about 8 feet down into the well. My cousin slipped on it first (without the benefit of a flashlight) and I fell through it right behind him. In the damp, dark hole 8 feet below the surface of the earth, I sat with snakes and bugs crawling all over me while my family made a human chain to hoist me out! The thought STILL repulses me to this day!

2. I once slept with an old man for money. Yep, it's true. When I was in high school, the village banker became blind and deaf from old age and his daughter hired round the clock care givers to stay with him. I had the Sunday evening shift, going to his house around 5:00PM, fixing his supper...the SAME meal every Sunday, consisting of toast, peaches, eggs, bacon, juice and coffee...then reading the paper loudly to him via what little hearing he had in his left ear with my lips practically pressed to his skull, getting him ready for bed, then putting him to bed...while I slept with one fish eye open for the nearly-every-night-occasion he would randomly get out of bed, stumble to find the bathroom, usually a bit "late" to the toilet, and I would clean him up and the floor. So, I really DIDN'T sleep that much with him in all actuality. But this does appear to be my intro into the world of nursing and emptying bed pans! LOL

3. Bodily secretions fascinate me. Really most ANYTHING about the human body and condition gain my attention. Blood, snot, poo, sweat, etc. I find the human body to be one of THE most remarkable warehouses and filters of the world...so much can be told by what "we" put out in our systems. This, too, also is a bi product of having slept with the old man and cleaning up his waste materials...see #2! LMAO

4. I am an angel of death. Or at least that's what some of my kind friends reference me as! For whatever cosmic reason, I am typically someone who will stumble across the most unlikely of circumstances where someone is either dying or has just died in my presence (look out peeps...you could be next!). I have "transitioned" family members, friends, strangers, murder victims, etc. to the "great beyond"...more people than I can actually list frankly. I DO stop for any unattended motor vehicle accident (as this is the law of my profession also) and have had the unfortunate (or fortunate? When one accepts their lot in life as the "angel of death", this is to be expected, no?!?) encounters of being a first responder to the dead, the dying, the decapitated. I just accept it.

5. I have dreams about Bill Clinton. Recurring dreams even! Never involving cigars or semen stained dresses, however. He is usually consulting me on matters of the world and/or we are walking through woods discussing various ideas of politics and nature. I never knew Bill Clinton had such deep thoughts until I began dreaming about him shortly after he was elected President!

6. I have an obsessive love with power tools. And I own and CAN operate most of them! My father was an interior/exterior painter who taught me the fine notion in life of, "If someone ELSE can learn to do this, YOU certainly can." And, over the years, I have become a self-taught handy gal of sorts, doing remodels on homes I have lived in and "fixers" of friends homes. I especially enjoy working with wood...I love the feel and smell of a fine pine and have gotten some unusual stares from Home Depot workers as they watch me "fondling" fine grains! I DO NOT, however, enjoy plumbing work...which seems a bit odd given my love of bodily secretions. LOL

7. I have a fascination with the occult and have studied more religions than GOD. All without EVER obtaining a degree in theology! Mostly, I am fascinated by the human condition and the belief systems that make up what we call society. I consider myself a "behavioral existentialist"...which translated means, "all behavior has meaning and sometimes shit happens!" It tends to cover most all bases for me. LOL I believe in BELIEF and the power our mind holds upon us. I believe all things are a creation of our minds...the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. I believe in the chaos theory, synchronicity action, and the "one mind/one eye" of the universe. Chances are, if I've thought of it, someone ELSE has, too. This certainly takes away from my ego's need to be unique...

There...again, THANK STEVE for this...LOL Oh, and just so you lurkers who also blog get a piece of this action (because what goes around comes around), I am tagging BUBBIE , SHERRY , and SARA in the UK . Not because I hate you, mind you...oh, contrare...my love for you flows like a deep river. Which, given my steroidal craze right now, could consume and drown you!...LOL