An Essay On "Perspective"...

I've received many kind emails today wishing me "health", "recovery", "support", and down right lay-in-the-gutter commissery (which is ALWAYS welcome...LOL), as well as various comments posted of well-wishes. I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to do so...to connect...and just "be" in my moment with me. It has been another somewhat difficult day of recovery (I am hesitant to even label "it" that at this juncture) and the distractions of reading and answering emails has done me a world of good.

I've had a theme rolling around in my steroidal dust bowl brain today regarding "perspective"...one of you even used this word in comment here today on CHEESE. Unfortunately, piecing together the MEANING of this theme has been pretty hard, given the fact I have the attention span of a two year old snorting sugar! I've been recalling old proverbs and parables all day today in various degrees of introspection...you know the one's..."the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence (although, you STILL have to mow the lawn there, too...LOL), "the most beautiful flowers grow from dung", the story about the man who's cow died, which led him to a richer place, and of course, "is the glass half empty or half full?"

One of my favorite all time quotes about the "glass" notion was said by an unknown and it goes like this: "Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?" LOL Just another perspective on this age-old question, but worthy of mention. It's rather "freeing" really...to change the perspective of the question out of the realm of the common notion...to view something from another angle, another thought process, and perhaps a completely new way of thinking.

Today, I've been thinking about my "perspective" regarding my Multiple Sclerosis and my life...the two really being one and the same, yet divided in many ways. I have tried to move my thinking from the "half full/half empty" approach into the realm of just a glass of water...nothing more, nothing less. I have been trying to move my fears into a way of thinking that feel less tangible and more a self-creation of my mind (which really IS what fear is all about...the mind's notion of perceived pain). I have been trying to analyze the lint in my belly button (without the distraction of a chicken running by!...LOL) and get myself to a place of thinking and being that offers me more comfort than I am feeling right now. I've been trying to just "be in the moment" without worry.

At some point in my day, after hours of contemplation, I raised my eyes to look at that mystical glass of water half full and half empty...my brain was suffering from severe mental taxing overload, I felt tired, exhausted, worn down, and tearful.

And then it happened...I got the giggles. I began to roar out loud at the outlandish thought/impulse that nearly gave me convulsions of delight! I picked up my cosmic half full/half empty glass of water and...I DRANK IT!

You see, I am surviving right now...I AM in the moment because I have no where else to be. MY MS is at my door and there's no denying its visitation rights. This IS my life right now, neither rosy nor dead. It is simply yet another stop along the way in my journey and I have been walking this road long and far. It is TIME to pause and rest...and drink a glass of water. LOL

Sometimes the answers to my questions are so painfully obvious, I cannot see them and I spend countless hours CREATING a problem to SOLVE a problem. I don't CARE if the glass is half empty or half full at the moment...I am THIRSTY for the glass's content and it has been right in front of me all along...and it is enough either way...