It has not been a good day...and to be quite honest, not a pleasant past 2 weeks. Steroids are creating instability in my mood and thoughts as I attempt to deal with debilitating symptoms of "something" now deemed MS in nature.
There is always so much I cannot write about here on CHEESE due to the known fact my place of employment reads this blog...suffice it to say, I am saddened by a recent turn of events that appears to be occurring completely out of my control in my work arena...where I have remained absent for over 1 1/2 weeks. I feel quite vulnerable and on unchartered course.
Today, I have had repeated lines speaking like an earworm in my head from one of my favorite Rilke poems...I believe this poem provides a good summation of my current position in life if one is intuitive enough to read between the lines:
It is possible I am pushing through solid rock
in flintlike layers, as the ore lies, alone:
I am such a long way in I see no way through,
and no space: everything is close to my face,
and everything close to my face is stone.
I don't have much knowledge yet in grief--
so this massive darkness makes me small.
YOU be the master: make yourself fierce, break in:
then your great transforming will happen to me,
and my great grief cry will happen to you.
~~Rainer Maria Rilke