Saturday, March 21, 2009

GooooooO NADS!

March Madness here in the States (otherwise known as college basketball finals season) just brings out strange images in makes me want to cheer and root for all KINDS of things. Especially my gonads!

Now, thanks to Jen over at MS Strength , I will forever have a permanent scarring in my brain about my recent ultrasound of my ALARMINGLY LARGE, PROBABLE OVARIAN CYSTS. Yes, it is she who sent me the email referencing her experience administering transvaginal ultrasounds as being akin to conducting a symphony! When my sweet and young ultrasound technician was "conducting" MY TV ultrasound today (OK, do you really want to know this fellas? A transvaginal ultrasound requires a wand to be placed in the *va-jay jay* and moved back and forth like a conductor to get pictures of the female anatomy. TMI?), I DID think of you Jen...and I laughed out loud as though appearing to respond to internal stimuli (psych reference)...nearly scared the innocence right out of that poor technician.

So, yes. I DID finally get my ultrasound of the "nads" today. I am pleased to report my left "nad" seemed to have complied with my wishes and sulked it's way back down to normal size. My right nad/ovary however, remains a rebellious renegade...weighing in at 2x the size of my internal oven (uterus). It seems R-Nad did not get the message and continues to bulge heartily against my innards.

The good news, as I am told is, R-Nad appears to be containing two, large (alarmingly in some opinion) cysts of fluid, not tumorous tissue currently...which, to interpret means simply my right ovary does not appear to be cancerous at this time. Whew...Goooo NAD! The current plan of action/inaction is to wait a month, conduct the symphony again, and see if there is any change in the size of this ALARMINGLY LARGE, PROBABLE OVARIAN CYST(s). My ARNP wants me to try a low dose hormone pill (basically a birth control pill) to see if that might assist in cyst shrinkage...something I find Hi Larry Usly funny at my age of unchild-bearing years.

The bad news, and there always IS some, is...there is concern R-Nad might contort itself into unholy positions, thereby cutting off blood supply to my already questionably functioning right ovary...or R-Nad could burst or leak, which would create pain of epic proportions. I am told when ovaries contain cysts this large, this is not an uncommon thing to have happen...and, if it DOES, I will have to make a trip to the ER with probable surgery waiting in the wings...THIS news of possibilities did NOT make happy. But still, I would not let the news bum my voyage or steal my joy.

I don't have ovarian cancer. THIS is most excellent news...and certainly worthy of a few cheers! Let the games begin.

GoooooooO NADS!!!!...
Editor's Note: Thank you to all of you who have emailed or commented, sending such thoughtful wishes for a positive outcome! Your thoughts (and yes, Kelley...even PRAYERS!) have brought a smile to my face and wonderful healing...I've been a bit preoccupied surviving, but these kind deeds have NOT gone unnoticed. :-)


Shauna said...

It was my left one that caused me so many problems last year. The cysts were removed along with the ovary and path tests while I was under were negative for cancer, too....if they can shrink on their own that would be most excellent. If they have to be physically removed, you'll have to get a Wookie to look after you during recovery.

Here's hoping they go away on their own.


Jen said...

Why am I up at this hour?

Glad things went well. Some more classic U/S moments: having to serially scan one of the doctor's ovaries to see if she was near ovulation (hugh bi-otch whom I loathed, but I was the only tech there), scanning hot guys' balls (usually young and not restrained by mere "protective towels"), and playing "find the cyst" in my coworker's enormous triple-D boob. Several times for monitoring.

'Bye you creep....

Herrad said...


Hope it shrinks and all goes well for you.
Take care.

pedestrian-crossing-colleen said...

When I had my own trans vag ultrasound, which of course weirded me out, the nurse "re-assured" me by stating "we put a condum on it." That reassurance still makes me laugh!

Prayers and wishes you stay healthy and that renegade ovary gets its act together.

Kelley said...

I hope the things shrink on their own. Thanks for the update, I was getting worried! Are you feeling any better? Has the angry butt ended?


harkoo said...

Glad you had good news!

Blindbeard said...

When they did that ultrasound on me, for endometriosis, I swear I thought there must be a camera somewhere in that examination room and they were making a porno. Nothing worse that having your legs spread out on that table and having the doctor pull out a huge dildo looking thing. I felt so violated.

Miss Chris said...

I'm so glad you got some good news! By the by, I too have had the famous trans-vaginal ultrasound and to call it awkward would be an understatement.

Tracys Ramblings said...

I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that you DO NOT have ovarian cancer!!
God, how long has it been since I've been around?
You did kind of confuse me at first there, though, because I thought you were a female and I'm pretty sure I had made some comments that went along the lines of "girls like us" and then I start reading about your "Goooo nads" which in WV are not part of the female anatomy and I was starting to worry if I had made a huge mistake with my previous comments.
So, not only am I happy that you don't have ovarian cancer and I didn't call you a girl when you were a boy or man or whatever. So, yay for both of us! (My husband says that I have this amazing way of turning things into being about me. I have no clue what he's talking about!)

And while I am not the best religious person in the world and God and I both know that I'm kind of a bad Catholic, I had a conversation with him after I was diagnosed with MS and then a few weeks later with Pseudotumor Cerebri where I was really stern with him and said something like "listen here buddy, enough is enough already! You are no longer allowed to give me any other kind of illness for the rest of my life, got it? If I even so much as get a sniffle or a cold, you and I are going to have issues."
I'm sure he's totally going to listen to me, because you know, I'm a bit of a badass and all. :)

But seriously, I'm sorry I haven't been around for a visit and to support you and your gooo nads but I am so happy to hear that the news is good!

Sara said...

Glad to see there is a silver lining to the story, birth control pills sounds like a nice presciption compared to the alternatives! i hope R-nad responds quickly to this plan of action!

pUNKrOCKfairy said...

Cheers for having big gonads that aren't going to kill you!!! You know, some people would be stoked about having "alarmingly large" gonads! And not just freak show acts either. I see some patients at the hospital who are clearly enjoying letting their large gonads swing in the breeze they get from those skimpy gowns.

BTW, Tracy, girl parts can be referred to as gonads as well! Too much time on the farm with your silly sexist Westbygodvirginians!

have myelin said...

I am sooooooooooooo glad to hear this news, I did not think I could handle ANY MORE BAD NEWS!!!! Not even from across the ocean!

I was actually afraid to go to your blog (sigh) to get the news....I am quite fond of you (yes me) and you have been a huge source of inspiration and comfort to me in private as well on the blog.

I am relieved.

I will be more relieved when the other eye-popping gonad goes DOWN in size.

Did they test your hormones? I mean going without a steady supply of estrogen is quite an experience in itself and I wish the experience on no one. I had a surgical mean-o-pause so ESTROGEN was of essence. Perhaps that is why you need BC pills... but I hope you were tested first.

Keep us posted.

Blindbeard said...

Ummmm... I'm ready to have you post some more and I don't think I am the only one. I keep coming here to see if you have posted anything new and keep having my hopes dashed.

Jen said...

Dildo and awkward--- LMAO

G'night, creep....Too much Facebook. Next post sounds like high drama.

Well, you are a cat, NO?...