Friday, December 28, 2007

Feeling Tired & Blue...


I came to an important conclusion today...I realized I have not been posting here on CHEESE of late because I have simply been too tired to formulate coherent sentences. I believe the holidays, working many hours, the cold and ever-changing Seattle weather, and a "mini-me" relapse condition (You know the kind...not quite big enough to give it the "R" word, but substantial enough to make living with MS a challenge?!?) has zapped me of my super powers...not that I was Wonder Woman to begin with.


I have been struggling with a nagging pain/tightness in my waist and chest, which makes even the most joyful person a bit "crabby". Consequently, my sleep has been disturbed by frequent awakenings as I attempt to turn in positions my tight torso does not want to twist toward...my body prefers to remain stiff as a board and unmoving right now when I sleep, only to awaken with a body bitchiness, as if to say, "Why the heck did you leave me in THAT position all night?!" I just can't seem to please me at this point. LOL


In about 12 hours, I am scheduled to receive my 5th Novantrone infusion. "We" (the neuro and I) decided to go ahead and bump my infusion day up a few weeks because of what has been feeling like a return of annoying MS symptoms..."we" are hoping an early dose of the BLUE DYE will scare away any potential "R-Word" situations that may be brewing about in my brain. It's hard to second guess this disease, but not so hard to recognize a decline in my functioning, which has been occurring over the past 3 weeks. Besides being excited to see the return of my nuclear green urine, I am so hoping THIS dose will finally give me the Smurf-blue whites of my eyes that sometimes accompanies Novantrone...it's the holiday season after all...it would be great to have eyes for 24-48 hours that match the Hanukkah blue lights I have twinkling outside my home!


Perhaps after this dose of chemo, I will find the energy to return to my old habits of near daily drivel here on CHEESE...I know neither YOU nor I can wait! Who knows, I may even return to the proper blog etiquette of REPLYING to comments left here...I'm sure you've all been disappointed by my lack of response. **Trying not to bite my tongue in cheek**


Now, I must go turn on my heating pad and lie down for another fun night of rigor mortis sleep...how I wish I could fall into a "dead sleep"...but, of course, wake up afterward!...

11 comments:

mdmhvonpa said...

As blue as you may be, you will still be my favorite Smurfette!

Becky said...

oh......I understand the non-coherant sentences....I told one of the kids to bring me the van so I could get the bclothes dried...??? HUH????

Diane J Standiford said...

Hang in there. This too shall pass.
Reminds me of a funny story about my German Shepherd, Wolf, and my blue crayons he ate...oh, another time.

Merelyme said...

aww i am so sorry. if it helps any...i am incoherent too...sometimes it can even be fun.

Philip. said...

Wishing you all the best for 2008 and a Happy New Year.

Philip
www.disabled-help.org

Miss Chris said...

Hey! MDMHVONPA stole my line!

Callie said...

Eeeeh Gads! I hope you're feeling better soon and the New Year finds you well or at least nolonger "blue" and tight. :)

Jim's Political Thoughts said...

There have been times that my emotions of the moment get in the way and how I feel or whatever the circumstances I am facing. I am legally deaf since birth (Hard of Hearing) and I also have Relapsing-remitting Multiple Sclerosis. I will never forget my quotes I have made in my previous journals: “Okay, I have hearing loss and multiple sclerosis, and those are the ways of life for me. I take silence and pain as come and I have learned master them in my life. My disabilities do not have me. I have the disabilities and I accept them because I know who I am from the inside. Everything has its wonders, even silence and pain, and I learn whatever disabilities and difficulties I may be in, I am happily content.”

I had trouble sleeping last night due to stress. My wife tries to calm me down. I love the holidays however they give me stress at times. I prefer to have no holidays and live simple.

I know how you feel and I pray that you have a great 2008 as I wish. :)

Blinders Off said...

Trying to do my best James Cagney...I tell you...It's the weather, Holiday, and family :)

Feel better soon and Happy New Year.

Have myelin? said...

I was startled to see the blue face when your blog popped up- I haven't been much of anywhere on the net but when I saw that picture I thought it was me. I'm serious.

So with that said and out of the way I guess I'm saying I understand.

Re: Smurfettes...I told my stepkids about a store I went into chock full of smurfettes and how I wanted to collect them for some odd reason.

Which Smurf are you? :-)

harkoo said...

It's New Years Eve and I am reading your blog--says everything about my social life! I hope by now, you have found some relief with the novantrone you took several days ago.