Ever feel like your brain is lying to your body or visa versa? The truth of the matter is, I'm really not sure WHICH entity is lying right now...my brain or my body.
Yesterday evening, I returned home from work and was sitting at my computer checking email, etc., when all of a sudden I felt "funny"...not *ha ha* funny, but peculiar funny. My brain felt "sloshy" and I realized I was listing to the left...feeling as if I was leaning in the general direction and having a near vertigo-esque moment. I decided this was most likely due to staring at a computer screen in a darkened room, so I got up to head to my living room and escape the visual screen. This is when I realized I was doing more than just *listing* to the left...I was actually FALLING to my left side.
In what can only be best described as an *alcoholic sway*, I finally made my way to my couch to lie down in hopes of regaining my equilibrium...once supine, life felt balanced again. Of course, I began the mental process of trying to figure out WHAT had gone wrong at the end of a typical day. Perhaps it was something I had eaten? Maybe my insomnia had finally caught up with me? Too much time at the computer? PMLTysabri brain? Could it be another MS exacerbation? Stroke? My mother died from a ruptured aneurysm...these were the thoughts rolling around in my head.
After remaining flat for several minutes and feeling a bit of relief, I decided the *episode* had passed, and I needed a drink of water. I sat up...the world seemed "normal"...stood up, and began to walk across the room to the kitchen, only to find I was once again weaving to my left and clumsily stumbling. WTF?!?
By this time, the weaving was creating a dizzying feeling in my head, which set off a low grade bout of nausea. Nothing else seemed out of kilter...just the dizziness and weaving...something I have not ever experienced before. My rational mind began clicking through the list once again of WHY and WHAT I might be experiencing...nothing *good* was popping into my mind and I felt myself becoming more and more anxious with the dreaded unknown. I got the bright idea to take a warm bath to settle my nerves and contemplate if 911 or a trip to the ER was in my near future...after all...one should never go to an ER wearing the smell of a day on them.
Once in the tub (after weaving my way to the bathroom), my world settled down again...temporarily. Once out of the tub, I promptly fell into my counter top sink, and an internal panic began to set in. WHAT THE HECK WAS WRONG WITH ME? Was this it? Was I finally having that stroke I have all too often joked about? Would I simply fall into a coma only to be found days later due to the stench of rotting flesh in my home? Yes, dear ones...this IS where my mind goes in these moments. LOL
I decided the only thing I COULD do...the BEST response...was to simply take a handful of muscle relaxants and benzos and go to bed. Yup. I didn't call anyone. My rational mind had settled with the notion if I WAS finally having that *joke stroke*, I would hopefully slip quietly away in my sleep.
Obviously I did not die in my sleep nor did I have a stroke (as best as I can tell today). I have no idea WHAT this episode is...I awoke this morning still feeling clumsy and with numbness in my right hand and left side of my face...two symptoms that are NOT new to me...the numbness. I also developed a tight band around my lower torso by morning, which is also not a *new* thing to experience. I emailed Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named my latest "report" and she promptly emailed me back, telling me to "come in and get a MRI and a UA (urinalysis). I emailed her back saying "no".
I have spent the day today home from work and still wondering what in the heck is wrong (or right?!) with me...I seem to be no worse than last night, yet remain pensive as to WHY I am experiencing these symptoms now. I am faithfully complying with monthly Tysabri...I *shouldn't* be experiencing a relapse by statistical data. Yet, I've got no other explanation for feeling this way. I have slept most of the day today and STILL feel crappy. I just don't know what to make of this...
And the truth of the matter is, I think I've lost my will to care for the moment... :-(