Hehe...well, NO. This post is NOT about Iraq or any other far off land. Of course not...BrainCheese has and always WILL be solely about moi...the country of CHEESE. Where I am ruler, except for a spider or two!
I'm talking about arachnophobia or an unpleasant fear of spiders.
**EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT HERE WHILE I INSIST SHAUNA FROM CANADA READ NO MORE AS THE CONTENT OF THIS POST WILL MOST LIKELY BE COUNTER-DISTURBING**(She LOVES those darned bugs)
I mentioned before on CHEESE I have some *peculiar* fears...like clowns and glass eyeballs and...but, I digress. Let's stick to the topic. SPIDERS. I have an "unpleasant" fear/association with spiders...those fury little creatures that hide out in dark places and leave their web calling cards around my house and flower beds. I have no real clue WHY spiders *bug* me so much (LOL)...they just do. And I AM one of those hateful people that WILL squish a spider in my home rather than gently catch it and *rescue* it to back to the outside world. I suppose because of this, I have really bad spider karma.
I have fears that, because I HAVE squished a few spiders in my day, the army of spiders that exist in the world have probably spread the word amongst themselves...and one day I will be snared into a giant spider web and eaten for lunch. (I DID mention I have *peculiar* fears!)
Spiders see me coming and they tend to cop a mean attitude...I guess when it's a life or death situation (which I believe most spider encounters are...for ME anyway), it becomes survival of the fittest and the spiders I've done battle with often put up a good fight. They are, after all, much faster than I am and far more agile. And they DO have that neat little trick of shooting web out their butt and quickly descending from any location. Sometimes, I am jealous of this spider ability...but again, I digress.
When I was a kid growing up and sharing a room with my two sisters, I can recall vividly the chaos that would ensue whenever a spider was located on the ceiling of our bedroom. Often times, this spider radar process would occur when we were laying in bed looking up at the ceiling. Suddenly, there would be a shriek, then a cry out to our mother: "Mom! There's a spider on the ceiling and it's three squares over then straight down!!!" We had a tiled ceiling in our bedroom, so this type of talk was an exact location of the spider before it would be right above our head(s)...sort of like a call out in the game of *Battleship*. We anticipated if mother only KNEW how close we were to spider danger, she might come running. LOL
As an adult, I've had to do my own battle with spiders on my ceilings...there's no one here but me to remove the beasts and the P.O.D. (Princess Of Darkness, aka, the cat) only chases and torments them, eventually letting them go when she grows tired of the play...so they can wind up in my shoes or some other gawd awful place where I can have a full coronary arrest upon DISCOVERING them. AND, I think the spiders are most likely pretty pissed off at that point too, having been relentlessly pounced upon by the P.O.D.
So, WHY am I talking about spiders here? Yeah, I thought you'd be asking that (why do I talk about ANYTHING here?!?). Because last night, as I wearily gimped my way into my bed and prepared my exhausted body for sleep, the radar began beeping, and I spotted an arachnoid on my ceiling in the far corner of my bedroom! SOUND THE ALARMS. If there's anything I fear/hate the most, it is a spider in my sleeping sanctuary.
I have, in the past, tried unsuccessfully to *knock* spiders down from my bedroom ceiling by balancing precariously on my bed with a slipper in one hand and a stick in the other. This trick usually results in me KNOCKING the spider directly onto my bed and once (EEEWWWW!), even onto my own head! So, I've pretty much given this up...it's simply not worth the risk of cracking my own head open on my dresser when I fall OFF my bed doing the "spider dance", trying frantically to knock the buggar off my BODY. Not that I've done THAT before...hypothetical example...maybe. :-)
So, I lay in my bed last night watching my spider intruder on my ceiling...for a very long time...like SO long a time, I think the spider caught on to my stare and tried to play dead for 20 minutes. It never moved. And still, I "watched" it. Eventually becoming so tired, I finally dozed off to sleep...with my bedside light ON of course.
At some point in the night, I awoke from my usual 3-4 hour nap and was startled to discover my bedroom light was on. This was almost as alarming as oversleeping an alarm. It took me several moments to regain my thoughts and travel out of my sleep cloud before I remembered I had obviously fallen asleep without shutting the light off (because my first thought was wondering WHO had sneaked into my bedroom while I was snoring like the roar of Niagara Falls and TURNED my light on!)...and then...THEN, I remembered the spider!
My glasses were still perched on my nose so focusing my eyes was not a difficult task...I fired my radar into the corner where the *beast* had last been spotted, only to discover IT WAS GONE. OMG! I had fallen asleep on my crucial watch and now there was a spider stealthily roaming around my bedroom somewhere. I frantically scanned the four corners of my bedroom and with horror discovered the *beast* was nowhere to be found. I was truly in spider hell.
I eventually DID fall back to sleep last night, but not without frequently feeling like something was crawling across my face or my arms...I think I even DREAMED about a spider attack. It was akin to a nightmare.
Tonight as I lay here typing on the laptop from my bed, I've been keeping one eye on the screen and one eye on the ceiling...just in case...just in case my fury little friend decides to return. I don't know which would be worse at this point...SEEING the spider again and knowing it's location or WONDERING where the little devil might be?!?
I truly AM Little Miss Muffet...but I can honestly say I have never had curds and whey.