But (butt), it would be remiss of me not to mention the OTHER most unusual thing I saw this week (besides reading/absorbing myself in the Jonestown, California situation...see previous two posts for update). I'm talking about those red bear Charmin commercials that are flooding my TV screen of late. Here's a sample:
Alrighty...there is SO much WRONG with these ads, I simply don't know where to begin. But (butt), I'll give it a whirl:
Isn't THAT what Proctor & Gamble is REALLY trying to tell us in these sickeningly cute ads? WTF?!?
Now let me start somewhere at the beginning and why I rant. You see, I have survived the feminine hygiene product ads (Tampax...have a "Happy Period"), the Viagra ads (stoopid male musicians pretending to jam session together about their little, blue pill and erectile dysfunction), the Vesicare ads (weirdly constructed drainpipe people driving through the countryside following animals and unable to hold their bladders), the ads for dried up vaginas (KY Gel and massage oils), and even Beano (anti-fart pills). Good grief...I even survived Janet Jackson's Super Bowl Half Time wardrobe malfunction...and I'm still alive to tell about it. But(t), if I didn't know better (butt do I really?), I'd swear the people creating this recent rash of strangely peculiar commercials are high on weed or *ludes*...I haven't seen anything like these since Walt Disney came out with "Fantasia" (truly a stoner movie if there ever was one...or so I've been told...ahem).
I've got NOTHING against bodily functions and frankly, I rather MARVEL in the whole idea of the "forbidden" topics concerning our bodies...because I don't fully understand (probably my medical background) WHY these topics are forbidden in the first place. But(t), to talk about them in cutesy, little cartoons and highly bizarre song and dance steps is just WAY over the top!
Seriously...can't we have some adult conversations here? Or do you, Proctor & Gamble (among the other corporate offenders), think the American public simply isn't ready for that? Perhaps you think we are too STOOPID to understand your message if it is delivered straight forward? Well, maybe in Jonestown, California they are, but(t) not up here in the Microsoft/Starbucks capital of the world in Washington State, my friends! P & G...you got some 'splainin' to do, and here are my questions:
1. Why RED BEARS?
2. Are the RED BEARS some kind of subliminal message we're supposed to equate to red, chapped a$$e$?!?
3. Why do the RED BEARS not wear any clothing, but(t) simply flag their bear (bare) a$$e$ around the TV screen with abandon? Is this REALLY the message you're trying to convey?
4. When was the "scientific research" conducted in which you concluded we (the Charmin-buying people) are walking around with bits of toilet paper plastered to our butts, aka, HUMAN DINGLEBERRIES, and WHY was I not asked to participate in this study?!? I have been a loyal buyer of Charmin for the past 25 years!! I'm feeling a bit left out here...
5. Who determined that my bare behind resembles that of running a piece of toilet paper across sand paper?!? Who's bare (bear) a$$ did you use as a MODEL for this determination? Remind me never to let them sit on any of my wood furniture please!
6. And finally, who determined the need to have my toilet paper woven to the strength of cables holding up a suspension bridge?!? WHY does it need to be so strong? I don't plan on using it as a rope to escape the top floor of a burning building...I think I was "good" with it BEFORE Charmin could stop bullets.
All this ranting today has plain worn me out...unfortunately, I'm scared to go lay down and watch prime time TV at this point out of fear the CHARMIN RED BEARS might attack! But(t) I will leave you, dear reader, with this one, final question about CHARMIN toilet paper.
Q: What does a piece of CHARMIN toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
A: They both circle around Uranus searching for Klingons.
I rest my case...