Turmoil ensued in my life following this declaration of my inadequacies. Secret, closed door meeting followed...the pathways between cubicHells were abuzz. I lost sleep. OK, I exaggerate a bit (when HAVEN'T I?!?). But there WAS a lot to find out and prepare for if I really WERE going to publicly announce my inadequacies to my employer and not simply drift out to the freeway with my cardboard sign.
AKA, REQUEST FORMAL ACCOMMODATION AS PROVIDED UNDER THE AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES (ADA) LAW.
So, due to the secretive nature of all government agencies (and my own, frank paranoia of such), I really can't say much more about my ADA request here (not even in sarcasm and jest, should this blog be pulled into court at a later time!), but I WILL inundate you with trivial information about my PAIN. Aren't YOU the little luckies, my preciouses?!?
I met in person with my neuro ARNP (I know?? How odd I would actually SEE a provider versus Internet medicine!), who I shall hence forth refer to as the Always Really Nice Practitioner (ARNP), on Tuesday of last week to complete the reams of paperwork necessary when making a formal ADA request (I then rented a U-Haul and had the reams couriered to my office)...and, to discuss this never-ending pain I am having in my shoulder/neck/arm on the RIGHT side of my body (left side has always been the bad girl rebel, so Ms. Right side has become a mystery). I held her captive (hostage really) for a very long time as we hashed over papers, then what has worked, hasn't been successful, and what I am WILLING to try in combating this pain (and my willingness waxes and wanes on any given day).
Thanks to Jane (you know who you are!), I was carrying with me the suggestion of trying a TENS unit (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulator) for pain management, since the pain seems to be localized to my right side/arm (yeah, I KNOW the picture up there is of ECT...electroconvulsive therapy, not TENS...but it's really just a matter of electrode placement now, isn't it?!?! LOL). My ARNP didn't flinch or bat an eye at this request and promptly filled out a prescription for it (anything to shut me the he!! up, no doubt). She also weighted down my prescription load with a script for massage therapy and Lidocaine dermo patches (I'm rather surprised there wasn't also a script for a dog muzzle, but whatever). We are staging a grand assault on my pain...I hope it doesn't hear us coming and try to change its militant tactics in advance.
I've got a physical therapy appointment this coming Wednesday with my favorite PT person, Madam Z, who will wire me up for sound with a TENS unit I can borrow for two weeks to see if it has any effect on my pain level. If it does, I can then petition my Almighty Insurance Company to PURCHASE a unit for me or bite the bullet and buy my own if they say "no". Failing those two options, I suppose I can storm chase and try to position myself for lightening strikes to my body, which I wouldn't necessarily be OPPOSED to if this pain keeps up without relief! And, who knows, a good "jolt" of lightening might also work as ECT for me AND improve my mood...win/win all around if you ask me...but, YOU didn't. LOL
Alrighty then...I have no more strength to continue pushing my anger through a small hole (whine) about my pain issues. Thank you again, Blindbeard, for inspiring me to write this post (just saying that to be sure everyone despises YOU for sparking my whining rant rather than thinking little, old me could have POSSIBLY thought this up on my own!). And now, I think I will go hop on the deck and flop like a fish (Sponge Bob fans will get that reference)...
What in the heck is WRONG with BLOGGER right now?!? This is the second time this week I have attempted to write a post in which BLOGGER eats part of it without warning!! I can't retrieve it, can't pull up anything via autosave, etc...unfortunately, large chunks of my witty humor have vanished and the recreation just isn't the same. GETTING MIGHTY TIRED OF THIS, BLOGGER...FIX YOUR SH!+ PLEASE...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
"Whining: Just Anger Forced Through A Very Small Hole"...
I have this blog title in a quaint, little picture frame on my desk at work...it's a subtle reminder for ME as well as anyone who even dares to THINK it might be OK to come to my cubicHELL and WHINE. About anything...but especially about their own aches and pains. And I, being the ever-conscientious-not-wanting-to-sound-like-air-escaping-from-the-tight-orifice-of-a-balloon, also try very hard NOT to whine about my particular brand of aches/pains called "Multiple Sclerosis". I imagine it is annoying to my coworkers and friends to always be hearing about my latest pinch, or ache, or tightness, or "hug", or...
But (and a very BIG *butt* at that), since this is MY blog, I DO take liberties here to annoy YOU with my not-so-conscientious-air-escaping-from-the-tight-orifice-of-a-balloon WHINING...because I can. And I will. It's cheaper than paying a therapist. LOL
I finally made some late night blog strikes in the wee hours of the morning, making my usual knock on some of my favorite MS blogger doors (and if I didn't leave you a comment on YOUR blog, it's because after catching up on 50 or so blog entries, NOTHING I have to say is either witty or entertaining...I spared you!). And, when I made my way to BlindBeard's blog, I not only discovered I had neglected to pick up my ever-so-bootiful SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS AWARD ("Aye, Aye Captain!"), but the ever-so-bootiful Blindbeard had written a touching post entitled, "Boogers, Bitches, and BlindBeard Blues"...it would have brought tears to my eyes, except I am incapable of feeling (oh, please...I jest...the post is Hi Larry Usly funny. But I AM incapable of feeling due to a hardening of the arteries surrounding my barely beating heart.).
Anywhozit, within BB's above mentioned post (yeah, I'm getting to it already), she talked about going to a Pain Clinic for an assessment because she was sick and tired of dealing with the annoying PAIN of MS. OK, so I'm loosely grasping at straws here (in an attempt to relate to the world around me and be less antisocial), but I realized I have neglected to update you, my preciouses, about my OWN pain! What a twist of fate it is that BlindBeard caused this connection and now YOU get to hear about MY pain issues (so, basically what I'm saying here is, BLAME BLINDBEARD, NOT ME FOR THIS WHINY-A$$ED POST!).
If you've somehow forgotten what a pain in the a$$ I've been...I mean what a PAIN IN MY NECK I've been experiencing, let me remind you. Or, better yet, just go reread every other post on this blog because it's all I seem to be mentioning of late as far as my MS goes. Pain. And this most recent bout of insufferable pain began right after I completed a week stretch of night shift duty at my work place (felt a need to clarify the nights were worked at my PAYING job, not my charity job as a hooker...where I pay OTHERS for sex).
After treatments and consultations with my neuro regarding this unremitting pain, it was finally decided mutually my body could no longer tolerate the rigors of working during vampire hours in long stretches due to the cascading sequela of MS symptoms that follow. Or, in layman's terms, I can't work a stretch of night shifts anymore like I used to pre-MS and pre-old age unless I want to experience the wrath of the MS gods upon me. Seems pretty straight forward and simple, no? Key word in that last sentence IS "no".
You see, part of my job description (again in layman's terms) is to do exactly what I am told to do...I AM a *govmet* employee after all. If my employer says, "Jump!", I am supposed to say, "How high?"...not "What the f^ck?!?" or question the wisdom of my superiors, lest I find myself on a freeway feeder ramp with a sign reading, "Unemployed because of stoopidity. Will work for self-esteem." **large portion of original post missing here thanks to BLOGGER and I can't recall it to recreate! See post script**