Monday, June 08, 2009

The Truth Hurts...

...sometimes literally.

Yeah, it's been a week since I last posted any musings here on CHEESE. I'd say, "sorry", but I imagine a majority of you are quite THANKFUL there has been less babble from the beast. I've also been experiencing a delay in my ability to jump onto YOUR blogs and leave my rambling's not been for want of trying (although, I DID seem to make it over to Shauna's blog to peer into the photo of scat she posted just for lil' ol' me...there are some things that must NOT be missed!).

I'd like to say my lack of posting and perusing has been because I am traveling around the world or secretly consulting on a project for world peace...heck, I'd like to say my absence has been because I've been SLEEPING or reading a great novel! But, the truth of the matter is, I've been quite preoccupied managing the every day tasks of my life while gritting my teeth through PAIN.

The pain in my neck and right shoulder has taken up residence and appears to be a phenomenon I will be forced to reckon with on a daily basis from now until eternity. :-( I had hoped five weeks ago when this pain commenced, it would be a short-lived episode that might leave me as mysteriously as it had arrived...not the case. As is typical for an MS body, the pain has certainly *changed* its course over time...going from a skin-burning-I-can't-stand-my-flesh-touching-anything kind of pain to now a deep, constant if my shoulder blade and humerus have a bone vise squeezing them. I've even begun to experience pain in my RIGHT leg...a most unusual sensation, as my RIGHT side of my body has always been...well...RIGHT! I've never experienced Multiple Sclerosis symptoms on this side of limbs.

It's not that the pain is that crying, blubbering agonizing *smiley face* number 10 on that stupid nursing pain chart (you know the one I'm talking about? Those ten faces they show you to describe your pain because we're all too dumb to just call out a number between 1 and 10?!?). No. My pain level checks in each day at around a 5 or a 6 (that frowning, eyes furrowed *smiley face*). But it's a 5 or 6 CONSTANT pain...all day...all night...seemingly forever...and sometimes peaking at a 7 or 8, give or take a Vicodin or two. It does not leave me. Not even when I ask it to. And it is bumming my voyage and stealing my joy.

Most of my daily energy is consumed just completing the necessary tasks one must do when they don't own a servant or a wife...household management and going to work. The pain seems to zap my energy reserves as it requires much effort on my part NOT to reach out and slap the more annoying people in my life or bark like a rabid hound whenever frustrated. I tend to be one who has a *low stoopidy tolerance* you can just about imagine the amount of self-restraint I must impose on my "id" to keep from shouting out unthinkable Tourette's-like utterances throughout my day! It is frankly exhausting.

My latest personal saying is, "You can't force funny"...especially when PAIN is a heckler in the audience. So, I've stayed away from THIS blog (and can thank me later) because I am finding little humor in my everyday life right now. Unless, of course, one can find humor in the dental dust I am accumulating from grinding my teeth down to nubs in discomfort!

Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named suggested a few weeks ago that I see a spinal rehabilitation physician. I have "poo pooed" all suggestions I see ANYONE who might even remotely fantasize about poking, injecting, or cutting into my spine (she had previously referred me to a neurosurgeon due to the horrible structural changes in my spine from osteoarthritis, which I promptly ignored!)...I'm quite certain I would NOT find *funny* or humor in partial or total paralysis!!! And MY luck dictates any type of "procedure" done on my neck most likely would result in permanent sucking of my food through a tube and breathing through a hole in my neck because the neurosurgeon would probably SNEEZE just as he/she were cutting around my spinal cord. BUT...I may have to stick my tail between my legs and deprogram my thinking that all physicians are imbeciles to consult. Maybe there IS something reasonable out there in the form of relief that doesn't involve potential paralysis?

So this is my painful truth, my preciouses...the CHEESE has a REAL pain in her neck (and other areas of my body) at the moment. And I'm pretty sure if a few people don't cease tapping on my last good nerve because of their stoopidity, I'll probably be reporting a pain in my A$$ soon, too... ;-)


Webster said...

So sorry to hear the status of your painful situation. It truly sucks. My pain doesn't even compare. Sorry. I know it helps to think that others have it worse than you do, but, at least on the pain front, mine isn't as bad as yours seems to be. Yours is definitely worse than mine - which makes mine not seem so bad. Funny how that works. Huh. Gee, thanks! (j/k)

barrie said...

I was reading something last week where a neurologist said that there is NO PAIN involved in MS.

I generally have little to no pain from the fairly mild symptoms I have and have recently been quite startled to have a 4-5 level of pain for several days from a flare up I've been having.

So I googled it. THOUSANDS of hits on MS with pain. Not only is my constant foot pain a VERY typical MS thing but the bruisey leg thing I just had is not atypical either.

For just a minute I was psyched that if I was having pain and a neuro said no pain with MS then do I still have MS? Man I HATE doctors!

I'm VERY sorry that you are having pain with your MS. Does it make you feel better to know that MS never causes pain unless you count the thousands of people reporting it on the interweb who don't count of course because they just have MS they aren't neurologists.

Try to hang in there and I hope that it does pass as so many symptoms do!

Jen said...

"You can't force funny." ---- ain't that the truth.

"You also can't force a thought - provoking, coherent, deep comment."

harkoo said...

Sorry to hear must be awful for you.....

Kelli said...

So sorry to hear about the pain you are enduring. I too have daily chronic pain. I am currently doing PT which only seems to exacerbate things but I am assured I need to hang in there and continue doing the exercises. I am not completely convinced however.
I agree with your thoughts about allowing anyone near your spine. I feel the same way. I hope they can lessen your pain without surgery.
Wishing you the best.

Denver Refashionista said...

Even when you don't try funny, you are still funny. Hang in there. I get what you are saying about pain sapping all your energy. Hopefully it will just pass or you and the doc will sort it out. Courage!

Janine said...

Hey cheese:

Your pain is a manifestation of MS=Mostly Sucks.

I have chronic nerve pain and nothing much helps. The pain in my shoulder and neck are byproduct of paralysis in my scapula and left shoulder joint-so that the joint subluxes (partially dislocates) and the weight of my arm literally pulls on my neck. I also have arm pain that I call, 'debutante pain,' since it stretches from my fingertips to my biceps--like long gloves. It is a combination of squeezing, burning, and aching.
Chronic Nerve Pain Sucks! So do neurologists who belittle what we are experiencing. (my neuro suggests ibuprofen for my pain). I do have a great pain doctor who believes my experience and works to alleviate as much as he can.
Hang in there!

suejan said...

I have had the dreaded MSfor 38 years and live in an electric scooter as can not even weight bear. I used to get leg cramp early in morning in bed but swearby my memory foam mattress on top of my rise and fall bed. If I do get any discomfort I use pain killers and rub on Arnica gel. I take loads of homeopathec drugs as well and suppose I am lucky as feel well in myself.

How do you get a http with number that bloggers can use? I have a goggle blog but cannot find a number.