If you clicked over here on CHEESE hoping to mine a few nuggets of wisdom, levity, or sensibility, change channels now...you'll find none of the three in this post. The CHEESE is not *happy* and, therefore you my preciouses, must suffer.I've been cursing a lot of things today, but my biggest offense (the struck down by lightening kind) has been to curse whatever great Power is out there that thought sending me a care package of Multiple Sclerosis would somehow be funny...or, worse yet, a "growth" experience. Yes, God, Jehovah, Ali, Buddha, Moses, Baby Jesus...whatever your name is...I'm talking to YOU! And I'm letting You know now...I'm putting You on notice. I'm not happy with your *package* or your grand plan and I'd like to file a complaint...maybe even a union grievance. As a matter of fact, I'm considering just leaving this mess here and taking a break...going out to lunch...I'll set my return time on the clock to WHENEVER so You'll know when to expect me back in this ethereal office You call Life.
I'm seriously in a full blown *I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE* mood. I'm pissed off...and there's nothing worse than a pissed off CHEESE (well, I suppose a pissed ON CHEESE would be worse perhaps). I tend to mumble under my breath and make up new designer swear words as I go when I'm feeling this way. I froth at the (potty) mouth like a rabid dog and small animals run for cover in fear of being eaten.
I'm seriously pissed off that I once again feel like hammered sh!+...my body hurts in ways I never dreamed imaginable. My skin on my right arm feels like if one were to touch it, the flesh would emit a poison...it hurts/burns...what's up with THAT?!? And my legs ache in my bones, as if my marrow has somehow been set on fire. The imaginative tourniquet around my chest and hips is quite possibly cutting off all blood flow to my brain right now, causing me to think unholy thoughts in my oxygen-starved grey matter. And I'm quite certain the figurative cold, steel rods in my neck would set off a metal detector at an airport.
Oh sure, I'm being dramatic here...you betcha, O' Great One (if that really IS your name?!?)...but you're pissing me off with this stuff. And I'm quite sick of people mouthing that saying, "God (Jehovah, Ali, Buddha, Moses, Baby Jesus) only gives us what we can handle" crap. That MAY be true, but why do we have to have ANYTHING like this to handle? Who's great idea was/is THAT?!? And if this is some grand practical joke, I'm through laughing. Not even smiling.
So, be forewarned...I'm going to take my lunch break...and when I return, this entire mess better be cleaned up!...
4 comments:
I love these kinds of posts because they completely and authentic communicate the dilemma of being a positive person with a chronic illness. It is not humanly possible to accept every single challenge with grace every day. Denial only makes those really pissy and whiny voices pissed off. When I give them a voice, they go back to their normal size and volume.
I was JUST screaming at my Higher Power yesterday saying that I should not have to have Dead Dad grief, Boyfriend Breakup grief, MS and all its wonderful gifts all at once. Enough already! Why not give some of it to the REALLY rotten people in the world.
But today is a better day and the pissy whiners felt heard and went back to sleep.
Keep being honest and don't apologize.
Lazy J
If cursing whatever it's name is, is your worst offense, you're good with me. :) I agree, there just aren't enough sufficient curse words to utter or scream that would release enough of the utter frustration brought on by this roller frickin' coaster of a disease. Let me know how the after lunch warning worked out. I'll try anything.
You may borrow my favorite cuss word: Fucktard. No...in fact, I give it to you with good intentions. Use it profusely and not so wisely. When in pain, fucktard works.
Being a "rotten person" I fear I may get all that stuff Lazy Julie wants to go to someone else. All this pain you have been in lately has got me thinking (run for your bunkers, this has got to be the end of times!), can you handle ANY DMD? I'm worried about you not being on anything and would love to hear of you getting on something to slow down all the pain and MS problems you have been having...
Post a Comment