Sunday, December 14, 2008

Nothing "Courageous" About MS In My Life...

OK, pardon me for a moment (although there really ISN'T an excuse for my bad behavior the vast majority of the time!) while I share yet another (sigh) rant.

I'm not one who regularly reads obituaries, but occasionally my GoogleAlerts will include one in the notices because the *obit* will contain those two, lovely words, "Multiple AND Sclerosis". I rarely EVER click on these to read them for two reasons: 1. I hear about/read/deal with/discover DEATH far too much in my work life and it's not a "fun" topic, and 2. People DO die from MS/complications from MS and I just DON'T want to hear about it most days.

The problem with GoogleAlerts is, the *alert* always spews the first few lines of whatever it is trying to *alert* me to that has the words "Multiple AND Sclerosis" in it, and this is usually found in the first few lines of the obituary notices, too. So here's my rant:

If I read one more obituary (about MS) that says someone finally gave up the ghost after their COURAGEOUS BATTLE WITH MS, I'm going to run naked and screaming down the street (almost worth posting an *obit* for THAT horrid scene, eh?)!!!! WTF?!?!?

Maybe I'm missing the boat here on this one (it certainly has happened before), but I have found NOTHING *COURAGEOUS* about living with MS in my personal life. I have discovered nothing *COURAGEOUS* about myself that wasn't already present pre-MS.

MS has, at times, brought me to my knees (then made it impossible to literally get up, beauch!), cowering like a child and whimpering like a sick puppy. It has caused me to learn and even make up more curse words (thanks to BLINDBEARD, etc!) than I EVER uttered pre-MS. It has brought more fear to the surface of my consciousness than I ever knew existed in my tired, little pea brain. It has caused me to quietly contemplate quality versus quantity of Life issues. MS has certainly NOT brought out the *best* in me and I'm pretty sure I won't be winning any badge of *COURAGE* any time soon related to my dealings with Multiple Sclerosis.

I have NOT "waged a COURAGEOUS battle with or against my MS". I have simply tried to live my life WITH MS, always taunting me in the background (and sometimes with the audacity to taunt me in the FOREGROUND!). My life with MS is no different than anyone else, who attempts to live their life with the multitude of challenges *Life* brings us. There has been nothing *honorable* or even remotely requiring COURAGE in my life with MS, other than to get up each day and go about my business...just like any other human being walking on the face of this earth. Certainly, I will admit perhaps I have faced a few more *unique* challenges while living my life with MS, but none so outstandingly different than ANYONE living with a chronic, debilitating disease...and there ARE many other diseases out there that fit that description.

I decided I had best begin writing my OWN obituary, just in case. And I thought MY obituary should include words like "a$$ hat", "beauch", and "whiner" in it...staying true to my sense of honest self-disclosure! I found this charming teen site on the Internet, Teens(at)Random , which allows one to generate their own obituary just by providing a few random words in a short questionnaire. Beware! Those random words you provide "could" be a tell all...hehe. Here's a copy of mine:

World-renowned Whiner BRAINCHEESE died today in a hospital in Seattle. Doctors are still unsure of what exactly caused the death, but believe it was due to complications after BRAINCHEESE beauched too fast and suffered pains in her brain. She was five hundred years old.

BRAINCHEESE was a weak person, who enjoyed everything about life. She was known for her passion for Mountain Dew, which she often ate one hundred times a day. She loved to share Mountain Dew with everyone, and would even offer Mountain Dew to strangers. BRAINCHEESE also enjoyed traveling, especially to historical landmarks, and loved meeting people around the world. On her trip to Hell she even met the president (and yes, she offered him Mountain Dew). After meeting him, BRAINCHEESE said the President was mentally challenged.

BRAINCHEESE is survived by her partner The Virgin Mary, their three children, and their pet lemur named "Ass hat".


Bubbie said...

I needed that laugh this morning. Seems contemplating our fates is something else we have in common. I have been purging and cleaning out closets and drawers recently with a fervor unsurpassed by any other in recent history. Seems I don't want someone else forming their own obit of mine in their heads after my passing while they clear out all my earthly shit. What a strange tale my closets tell.

have myelin said...

...and she has a friend named PeeFuck.

Love your Orbit.

Blindbeard said...

Frickin' hilarious! This has to be one of my all time favorites of yours! Not sure I've laughed this hard in a long time, and not sure my roomies appreciated being woken up, but I don't care.

catlover1968 said...

The word COURAGEOUS caught my eye.....I have heard that so many times through my 20 years of strong I am, an inspiration, what else? I'm Wonder Woman...I'm told this because people think I handle this "well" along with doing my best to help my husband with his Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes.....I'm just doing what needs to be done in order to take care of my anyone else...