Sunday, November 02, 2008

HEY! Lighten Up, Would Ya?!?...

Note that IS an a$$/donkey in the picture up there...not that I think I resemble that picture or anything!

But seriously. Or seriously not. I've been posting FAR TOO much serious information/stories here on CHEESE of late. And this act of Internet defiance must STOP! Now. Today. I'm glad to read all y'all could *relate* in some way to my "letter to the universe"...that's why I wrote it. It was intended to be serious, heartfelt, and hopefully connecting. And the gang posts? Well, it was just what was weighing on my mind this weekend...but I think it's time for a return to shenanigan writing for awhile!

So, here are some tidbits to tide you over until some utterly ridiculous event occurs in my life:

1. One of my coworkers experienced a most unusual "threat" this week. *Someone* told her/threatened her with peeing in her bra! Now...THERE'S a threat I've NEVER heard before...and believe me when I say, "I've been threatened with just about ever imaginable thing in my life". I found this *threat* to be so insanely delicious, I have been REPEATING it/THREATENING it to just about all of my friends!!! Saying things like, "Yeah, you think so huh? You do that and I'm going to pee in your bra!" OMG...they're not sure if I'm serious or I have finally had MS eat away a very important part of my brain called the "reasoning center". LOL I've also been practicing using Blindbeard's combination of two words this week: "A$$hat". Thank you, BB...tis a refreshing and delightfully compelling insult! It's starting to roll of my tongue quite freely now...

2. Today is ROJOO's birthday...WOOHOO! I have no idea how old he is (Actually I DO, ROJOO! I looked into the State Licensing Board Registrations! Moohahaha...), but I found a card for him which ALSO features A$$! Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a well-placed donkey.

3. One of my other coworkers made reference to the P.O.D. (my cat) being a bit *portly*...she's NOT! She just has thick fur (just like I am BIG BONED! LOL). Anyway, it got me thinking maybe I should get her to try this . I KNOW that is certainly why I won't use one of these !

4. Bubbie emailed me to join a recipe email of those "send a simple recipe to the first person on the list and by the end of this, you'll get like 36 new recipes" or sumptin' like that. Well...novel idea. Only one, big problem with that, Bubbie. I DON'T COOK!!! Unless the microwave has now been classified as a major culinary tool. She seemed offended by my response or lack there of...LOL

5. Daylight Savings Time. Who's great idea WAS this anyway?!? It NEVER works out well for me (I'm generally an evening shift worker)...and this most recent time changing event? Mkay. I reset ALL my clocks in the hut last night before I went to bed (because I'm currently in a stretch of 5 dayshifts...which makes me want to dig out my left eyeball with *joy*), except one. THE most important "one". My bedside alarm clock, which I have a terrible love/hate relationship with...but I digress. Anywhozit, it is one of them there new fangled atomic alarm clocks, which picks up a satellite wave and keeps itself accurate within one 10th of a second every 100 years or something (like I will be around to know if this "accuracy claim" is true!). I can never remember (each time change...sigh) if I am supposed to set it forward or not. Or if it will automatically reset itself based on my time zone (and Gawd forbid I should look this up in a manual or something!). So, I DIDN'T set it back an hour when I went to bed...and somehow in the middle of the night, I woke up disoriented and thought I SHOULD set it back an hour, which I did. Of course, my late night wake up was well past the 2:00AM DST curfew...and I set my clock back an hour and went back to sleep eventually. Only to wake up to my 6:30AM alarm (**sound of alarm clock being slapped off the night stand to shut it off**) and discover it was really 5:30AM because I had SET MY FRIGGIN' CLOCK BACK AN HOUR AND IT HAD ALREADY RESET, if only I could be within one 10th of a second accurate every 100 years. Sigh.

6. And finally, an email joke from my sister (this is about as "unserious" as she gets!). I added the links just for fun:


Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Colorado. He told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Texas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a woman from Nebraska (**sorry BB, just not a big crowd of Nebraskan bloggers to choose from!**). He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down, and he could see a little out of his left eye, at least enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

Happy All Soul's Day, my preciouses...


Jen said...

I love the term ass hat myself. I told it to Bill and we were nearly peeing ourselves thinking about Blindbeard giving it to some dopey lady who thought she was a "gay." (As the Seinfeld episode professes: Not that there's anything wrong with that...)

I hate recipe exchanges. I do love to cook, but I hate the pressure of forwarding the stupid email. Much like I hate the pressure of answering the phone. Yeah, I'm an antisocial hermit.

Bubbie said...

Love that woman from Nebraska.
About the recipes,, it was not the Bubbie, but the Martha in's that time of year. She's coming out. I HAVE NO CONTROL!!

Miss Chris said...

My hubby's Nebraska born and raised. I'l have to show him this one! lol

Merelyme said...

pee in a bra? say what?

i don't cook either but i do make reservations!

and i do have a portly cat who is getting more rotund by the minute. this happened after we got a kitten...i think it is her game plan to be as big as possible and then squash the kitten.

lol...loved the jokes. not from nebraska but that woman has it going on!

oh and before i forget...THE Diane J. Standiford has a lovely interview you don't want to miss on Health Central. Come check it out!

Wanna do one? Don't make me beg!

Spaz Attack said...

You're such a Smart Ass!
Luv it!

harkoo said...

By the time I go to bed tonight Michelle Obama will be my new First Lady! OBAMA!!!!!!

Blindbeard said...

Awww! I'm so flattered! I love the insult of asshat and use it as much as possible. I also love the joke because I resemble that punch line. And there is no shame in my game about being from Nebraska. It just is.

Natalie Ford said...