Sunday, February 24, 2008

I Surrender...

I'm sending up the white flag today...I surrender. I quit. I want to hit the "escape" key on my keyboard and hope it shuts down this particular "screen" of my life and I reboot...

Fever is gone I think for good now...seven days of it was certainly long enough. I STILL have the respiratory cough/shortness of breath/fatigue/congestion/lack of appetite unfortunately. Yesterday, I also woke up with a difficult weakness in my left leg...I tried to be thankful the moderate pain seemed to be subsiding in my back and leg and "hope" (hate that word) I was turning a corner on these issues that have kept me home bound for a week (except for jaunts to and fro to doctors and an ER). I tried to enjoy my tiny fox hole of perceived recovery...I had a bit more energy...I posted some "blog boredom" things. I crossed my fingers, threw salt over my shoulder, rubbed Buddha's stomach, kissed the Blarney Stone, and gave POSITIVE THINKING a fair chance.


TODAY, I cannot feel my left leg at all, which certainly makes something as simple as WALKING extremely difficult...and all "positive thought" has evaporated into thin air as I prepare for what has the appearance of the onset of yet ANOTHER relapse. Screw POSITIVE THINKING...it's highly overrated anyway. I'm sending up the white flag instead.


I am not superhuman, contrary to my OWN belief. I have withstood a fairly serious auto accident and the subsequent "fall out"/stress from this event, which culminated into a serious respiratory virus. And now YOU, Multiple Sclerosis...it's so like you to go for the "kill"...to take advantage when the strategy is in YOUR favor...to take hostages AFTER a cease fire has already been declared. YOU follow no treaties, no agreements, no plans, no common alliances of war. YOU are a terrorist, pure and simple...a greedy, destructive terrorist.


Well, go ahead MS because I QUIT...I SURRENDER...I'M WAVING THE WHITE FLAG. Do what you will because I don't care. I am indifferent...resigned. You no longer hold your strongest power over me...FEAR. At least not for today.


Take your best shot...

16 comments:

pb said...

Bummer, kid.

Retreat and regroup. You may yet outlast the siege...

God Bless.

Anonymous said...

Dang..f**king MS thingy anywho...definitely a bummer and totally not fair at all, even a little bit. Sometimes one has to embrace the virtual out of controlness this disease entails and give up, give in and wallow. At least for a duration...I will do the positive thinking for you today BC. In my thoughts you are.
Sue in California

Shauna said...

It's always sumtin', ain't it? Dive under the covers, give your body a chance to regroup as PB said, and feel better.
S. (by the way, today I'm fine)

Callie said...

Sucks! Crawl into bed and rest....It really sucks that something that may happen to someone without MS can reak havoc on those that do, in so many more ways. I'm sorry.....I do hope you feel better soon!

Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
BRAINCHEESE said...

PB:

Thanks...words coming from the "pros" (MSers), not to be confused with "prose", DO help and are much appreciated. :-)

LD

BRAINCHEESE said...

SUE IN CALI:

Forgive me if I have already forgotten if we have met before! And, if we haven't, WELCOME to CHEESE...home of the "Cornucopia of Crap". LOL
Thank you for your comment and of course the positive thoughts...+ thoughts are always welcome...even IF I am having difficulty thinking them myself.

LD

BRAINCHEESE said...

SHAUNA:

Permission accepted...you're not trying to rub that in, are you?...with "today I'm fine"! LOL (But so glad to hear you are...) **griping the rope with my teeth and hanging on**

LD

BRAINCHEESE said...

CALLIE:

Hey, didn't you and Steve just get over something similar? I've heard of computer viruses, but spreading THIS ONE around via Internet seems over the top! (Of course I still worry sometimes someone is WATCHING me via my computer screen...sigh...LOL)

LD

BRAINCHEESE said...

MICHELLE:

You write such lovely poetry! Thank you for sharing it here...

Stubborn as you?!? I think that can only be a "good" thing... ;-)

LD

LISA EMRICH said...

Well...piss off damn uninsulated nerves which refuse to get with the 'pony express' program and make sure that those important brain messages get through to their appropriate destination. Leave it to MS to be an opportunistic predator.

BRAINCHEESE said...

LISA E:

Yeah, what SHE said! LOL

LD

Have myelin? said...

Huh. I'm where you were yesterday (or was that two days ago?) and haven't moved on.

Is that bad? Good poem...but it didn't help. (no offense...I'm a turnip brain)

I'm a fucktard when it comes to MS right now.

BRAINCHEESE said...

HAVE MYELIN:

Your *grasp* of the English language never ceases to amuse me! Thank you...from one "fucktard" to another... :-)

LD

Jaime said...

Having just started to recover from this nightmare cold that is going around (and around and aroung yet againg...this is my 3rd time with it since end of November) I am praying for you to get better real soon.

Take care,
Jaime

BRAINCHEESE said...

JAIME:

Hello! Good to see you again...sorry to read (on your blog) that you've been down for a count there in Eastern Washington. Here's to a much improved 2008!

LD