1. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
2. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
3. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
4. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
5. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
6. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
7. I'm already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
8. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
10. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
11. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!?
12. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
13. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
14. Do I look like a people person?
15. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
16. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
17. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
18. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
19. Chaos, panic, & disorder--my work here is done.
20. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.