Lately, I have been pondering my *image* in this blog and trying to fine-tune this projection. I have been asking several questions of myself along the lines of, “what is it I really want to say/really want others to know/really want readers to get out of coming here to BrainCheese?” “What is my purpose and point in writing?”
I believe I began writing BrainCheese initially with complete self-centeredness. I started this blog (on AOL, as some of you may recall) while in the midst of a horrible relapse that left me feeling sad, alone, and isolated at home for many weeks. *Blogging* became an outlet for me to examine and work on frightening issues I was facing at that time. And, slowly over time, my rational for public writing (something I like to refer to as public verbal masturbation!) incorporated more of an altruistic meaning…BrainCheese became a format I could utilize with the idea of assisting others via examples from my own life experiences…something others could perhaps read with a resultant inner voice saying, “You are not alone”.
Through my own version of twisted, potty humor and bad grammar, I have tried to create a format of knowledge, experiences, acceptance, and yes (I’m going to use the “H” word) *hope* for others who are struggling to make their way down the shadowy path of Multiple Sclerosis. This has been and REMAINS my goal in writing this blog, and also is always in the back of my mind when writing via private email with many of you who humor me by stopping by to read here and then send me a personal “shout out”. I hope (there’s that “H” word again!) I am and will continue to strive to achieve this goal as it gives the entire process of *blogging* deep meaning and value to me.
What I also h-h-hope each of you who cruise by BrainCheese recognize is, what I write…what I project onto the computer screen…is not the sum of who I am. Just like your comments or emails are not who YOU are in your entirety. The Internet has offered each of us a remarkable communication tool, but it is vastly limiting of the human experience. What I post here on CHEESE is merely snippets of my life experiences/conversations/observations and often embellished for effect with the goal to quickly and as succinctly as possible make my point. Entire blocks of my life are deliberately “left out” of my writing due to MY need for privacy or the privacy of others. In other words, I DO write what is true for me, but nothing I write is my WHOLE truth. For example, this blog will never contain details of the nearly 10 hours a day/four days a week I spend at my work as a Commitment Specialist, which is an ENORMOUS block of “CHEESE” you will not hear about!
I suppose my point (if there ever WAS one at all in this post!) is, just because I have taken a brief hiatus from my USUAL blathering posts here on CHEESE, it does not mean I am in any way planning to STOP boring you to tears with my barrage of B.S. LOL I am absolutely THRILLED with the emails I have received of YOUR “guest writing” (aka, the BrainCheese Draft) and hope (dayumit…used that word again) more of you (especially you silent NON-bloggers out there) will consider submitting something you’d like to see in *print*, or something you feel compelled to share, or even just something you need to get off your chest. You are an integral part of the CHEESE community and I KNOW others would love to hear anything you have to say. I am needing to take a bit more time for myself right now as I prepare for the upcoming visit with my only living sibling, make crucial decisions about any on-going MS treatments, deal with (which really means find more ways to AVOID) the changes in my work place regarding the retirement of a dear friend and coworker, and find new ways to cope with what is becoming a chronic physical pain/condition in my neck and arms…I’m sure, all of which, will become “fodder” for future posts.
I have two more submissions from SPAZ ATTACK (thank you, thank you, SPAZ!) yet to entertain you with and then (sigh) my well runneth dry…unless, of course, YOU (yes, YOU!) make the sacrifice to send something my way from your writing vault. Operators ARE standing by to assist you…LOL…