Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Anybody Find An Eyebrow Laying Around?...

Oh, the horrors! My right eyebrow has finally gone missing...sigh.

Yes, it is REALLY urban myth here. My right eyebrow has finally vanished from my face, with only a few tiny hair follicles still hanging on for dear life. I happened to push my face close enough to a mirror this morning after showering (which I rarely do...gastrointestinal system just can't take the shock) and thought something looked "amiss" eyesight is so bad I cannot SEE my face in my bathroom mirror without my coke bottle glasses on, so it is a rare occasion I would even notice the portion of my Neanderthal head just above my eyes.

It took me a bit of squinting the vision to adjust my right 20/200 eye into focus as I moved my head back and forth inches from the mirror, but there it was...or WASN'T actually...the missing component to my once symmetrical face was my right eyebrow. It had obviously crawled off my face sometime in the past weeks and didn't even leave a forwarding address!

Not to be outdone by anyone else with too many autoimmune disorders, I was diagnosed with alopecia areata before I was ever diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. My hair stylist noticed (between a three month period of hair cuts) I had developed a "bald spot" on the right side of my head...because I've always had a fairly thick head of hair (to match my thick skull!), I personally had not noticed the shining, hairless patch of scalp...but when it was pointed out to me, I panicked. After all, even chemo cancer patients don't WANT to be bald!

I immediately made an appointment with my ARNP, thinking I must be lacking some vitamin or electrolyte or had developed a brain tumor. She took one look at my "patch" of bald and announced, "You have alopecia areata. There's not much you can do about it." I panicked further.

I was born into a genetically mutated family of true Neanderthal a matter of fact, a friend of mine jokes that I may have been the first in my family to walk up right (and I've still never forgiven you for that snide KNOW who you are!). We have big heads...not big brains, just big heads. And our skulls are bumpy and somewhat oddly shaped...must be why God gave us thick hair? To cover our ugly noggins.

Anyway, the thought of going bald and having to sport a skull that looks like the topography of Mars was unnerving...I started researching hats. But when I realized most hats look even WORSE perched upon Mt. Skull, I abandoned the approach and just came to terms with my balding head. My hair stylist and I worked out a "new doo", by parting my hair on the left side and doing a pseudo-Donald-Trump-Comb-Over to the right...hiding my brightly shining bald beacon under my coife of new hair arrangement. I soon almost forgot there was a hidden patch of pale skin just beneath the surface of a few suspiciously placed hairs. I moved on...I got over it. LOL

Until I began to notice my bald spot growing, that is. But my "bald" did not simply grow wider or expand it's circumference as one might anticipate...noooo, that would be too simple. MY bald began to expand in a straight line from the "spot" toward the front of my a completely bizarre 1/2 to 1 inch wide part! And it soon jumped from my hairline above my forehead and stretched itself down into my right eyebrow! For several years, I sported only 1/2 an eyebrow over my right eye. And even this, too, I got over (frankly by this time, I had more important things to deal with like MS and a middle-aged gut!).

Today's discovery of the missing eyebrow (not even the half that once was showed any trace of ever living above my eye!) was somewhat alarming...and then, it became funny. I mean, seriously...what ELSE can one do but laugh? There's no treatment and no cure for alopecia areata and for all I know, by the time my 50's role around I COULD be entirely bald...might as well get used to the idea now...and if it DOESN'T come, then won't I feel lucky?!?

In the meantime, I'm going out to see if Lee Press On Nails also makes a Press On Eyebrow...I'd like to find one in a shape that would make my face look like it is in a constant state of "surprise". And of course, there's ALWAYS that complete kit arrangement like in the picture...


TickledPink said...

Lee Press On Eyebrows. ROFL STOP!!! Yer killin' me here!!

Okay, so I have super thick hair and it falls out constantly by the major handful, but doesn't show any signs of thinning.

I clogged my hairdresser's sink last month. She stops mid-wash and had me sit up while she tried to figure out why the water wasn't going down. She came back up with a handful of hair and a shocked look on her face.

I tell her I'm sorry but my hair falls out. She went "Whew! I'm glad you are aware of it. There are medical conditions that can cause this." I tell her I know that, but that my doc hasn't figured it out so we just give up.

BUT...I can totally relate to the big head thing. I come from a long line of watermelon heads. Both my kids had to have the necklines of all their shirts cut when they were little, just to get them over their big heads.

Sometimes I think that's why I get neck aches. From my scrawny neck constantly holding up this bolder of a head.

Hey, maybe you can get a Variety Pack on those Press On Eyebrows...they come in Surprise, Evil Grin, So Sad, and I'm Gonna Give You What For!

Shauna said...

I have a pair of those glasses, Linda...
I didn't realize that the alopaecia could affect hair other than that on your head. This is a somewhat irreverent-type question, but what about the hair on the rest of the right side? Like your leg? Or your armpit?

I joke about the hair on my chin having migrated from my eyebrows, but I think I'll refrain from that now.


Sharon said...

Just promise me you won't become one of those women who tattoo on their eyebrows & eyeliner. I will have to come B**CH slap you if you do. Just kiddin!

Miss Chris said...

It's not funny... but why am I laughing so hard? Oh, it's the Lee Press-On Eyebrow!!! LOL How do you manage to make something alarming (the vanishing of one of my eyebrows would be alarmimg to me)so funny!

mdmhvonpa said...

I once worked with a fellow back in my younger days who suffered from the same disorder ... except his noggin was nicely shaped so the only disturbing issue was the missing eyebrows. He never had to shave though, lucky guy.

Nervus Rex said...

Well, hmmmm, my eyebrow is seriously *not* missing... I think that maybe yours flew North for the summer??

Shawna Canuck

Bubbie said...

Missing eyebrows...makes me think first of the Mona Lisa, and then disturbingly of the Pink Floyd movie The Wall.
I seem to have the opposite problem. Every morning I look in the mirror and find that overnight these incredibly long hairs have grown from my brows, waving wildly towards my forehead or hanging in my eyes. In disbelief I grab my tweezers and pluck away. I fear I may forget or sleep thru a day or two and wake with wild wooly viking brows. Thankfully these prolific varmints haven't shown up anywhere else.

Nervus Rex said...

I think that I've spotted it over at my place... Come on over ;-)


Steve said...

A buddy of mine in the USAF had Alopecia areata. He had to carry around a waiver at all times because at the time shaving one's head was considered to be a "trendy" haircut and therefore out of regs.

I wish I could blame my baldness on some medical condition. "No. I'm not suffering from Male Pattern Baldness. It's a really rare but harmless medical condition, and so really, really cool." Instead, I'm stuck blaming HGH in chickens as an adolescent. :)

Regarding your eyebrow, I think I saw it crawling across my floor last night... sorry... I think I stepped on it. :(