Friday, March 31, 2006


You know, I didn't ask for Multiple Sclerosis to come into my life. It wasn't like one day I woke up, put on my fresh panties, walked out of my house, went to order a Starbuck's latte, and accidentally screwed up my order by requesting MS versus Soy Milk. It wasn't like that at all. And I don't think just because I used to stare at the "handicapped" rudely when I was five years old that I am somehow now being punished for my sins of the past. I don't think MS came into my life for any logical or significant thing I have done to evoke it. It just arrived one day and decided to stay on, in spite of my clean underwear.
I have spent countless hours worrying, pondering, and analyzing the age old question, "Why me?", and to date, I have no sane answer. Oh, I'm sure there have been many choices I have made regarding my health in the past that could have contributed to the "Why Me" current question. But frankly, I have friends alive who are healthy and well without MS and they have certainly pushed their vices to the point they should be dead by now. Sometimes I envy their top-notch genetics.
So, "Why me?" Why you if you are reading this and also have MS? Why does anyone have to have disease? Unfortunately, if you're looking for an answer here to this question, you are certainly NOT going to find one. I have none. The question only stirs more questions inside me on any given day. And, if I allow myself to dwell in that realm of confusion for too long, I become overwhelmed and immobilized, unable to live the life I now have.
The soup boils down to this for me: MS is here and I might as well suit up and show up with my fresh panties neatly fitting rather than suffering with a crumpled up wad of uncomfortable underwear.

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