Friday, July 31, 2009

Lovin' Ya Bald...

I had a friend a few year's back who had two pet rats. Why anyone living and breathing on the face of this earth would EVER want rats as pets is beyond my comprehension, but Phyllis LOVED her rats. She brought pictures of them in to work just like everyone else did of their human offspring and talked about her rats as if conversing about children.

One day, Phyllis came to work quite disturbed about her rodent friends. It seems one of the rats had taken to seriously grooming the other rat and was doing this grooming act with such vigor, she was making bald spots on the other rodent! And more importantly, the *groomed* rat didn't seem to mind...as a matter of fact, it appeared as if the balding rat ENCOURAGED the other rat's affections and seemed quite content with the process. Phyllis sought counsel with her local RAT GURU to try to determine if the grooming process was harming the becoming-hairless rat.

It seems this vigorous grooming technique (or so she was told) was actually quite harmless (albeit a disturbingly disgusting image if one allows themselves to picture a balding rat!) and was a display of affection in the rodent world. Phyllis decided the grooming rat was simply loving the other rat bald and announced this hypothesis one day amidst an explosion of laughter by her peers.

Phyllis became ill not long after her "lovin' ya bald" theory and, within only a matter of months, she died.

Since Phyllis' passing, I have on occasion told this rat story to others, paying homage to her humorous outlook on life...she was a dynamic character in her own right who "loved the world bald" in her interactions with those around her. I have even developed this saying into a phrase with another friend...instead of using the 3-word, "I love you", which can be somewhat intimidating and intense among friends, we say, "I'm lovin' you bald" to each other as a light-hearted way of conveying our affection for one another.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

SO, why all this talk about rodents and past friends and quirky affection? Well, the CHEESE just found out this week that another dear friend has been diagnosed with a very serious illness and thoughts of Phyllis have been swirling around in my head as well as ideas of mortality. It seems lately, every time I turn around, someone I feel close to is being hit with life-changing news that spins them around and alters their course. I've been experiencing my own grief over THEIR losses, which has caused me to examine so many things in my own life.

My latest friend to receive grave health news is also an incredible and dynamic person, who is loved by many. He is someone who has always been able to make me laugh, is a dedicated and persistent colleague, and someone who makes others want to be a better person just by his own example. And, he is now very ill...something I have never known him to be in his vibrant self.

I spoke to him very briefly tonight by phone, stumbling for words to express the turmoil, support, love, fear, and loss I feel for him...there were simply no words I could find to say all that I wanted to say in a time when words really mean very little anyway...a time when no action or words are enough to relieve the sense of helplessness I feel...a time when even saying those three words, "I love you", somehow seem embarrassing or trite. I feel a sense of guilt and remorse over not knowing if I have truly conveyed my affection for my friend before now? I worry I have not taken the times or the opportunities BEFORE this crisis to plant these seeds of love so that he would already KNOW it exists without my having to say so.

I know my friend sometimes reads this blog. I am hoping when he feels a bit better, he might return here and read this post. But there is really only ONE thing I truly wish to convey if he does:

I'm lovin' you bald, R.S.

Nuff said...

6 comments:

Jen said...

I grew up with one parent (mother) being able to easily express herself and one parent (father) who was raised in an emotionally- repressed New England Catholic family where no one uttered "I love you." Such a strange combination. I always knew my mom loved me--- she told me every day growing up, and she still tells me every time we see one another or talk on the phone. When my father got sick in the past year, I threw all formality to the wind and just told him how I felt: I loved him like crazy. He still never says it back, but when he sends me emails or cards he writes what he can't say. We're just now expressing what we've always known: we love one another bald. It's demonstrated through all he's done for me and now all that I will do for him. And it doesn't necessarily have to be said out loud, but it sure feels good when it is.

Have Myelin? said...

Well Cheese...you are awesome as always. For what it is worth, I'm lovin' you and your blog bald. Ya know- "internet form" and all. The kind you have for someone you've never met. :-)

Denver Refashionista said...

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

Loving you bald,

Nadja

Blindbeard said...

I had a pet rat that I named Twinkie because he was a golden yellow with a fluffy creamy inside, judging from the size of his testicles. I loved that rat and he is now buried in my rodent graveyard with my beloved hamsters. I won't get a rat again because they smell BAD! Their poo is STINKY! But he sure was cute and fun to mess with because they are very smart. If it would have shown my love, I would have loved him bald. But I think he knew how I felt...

Sara said...

at work we sometimes have a problem with "barbering" as the grooming to baldness is technically called, but in our case it's not good cause sometimes they cause minor scratches on each other & then they get an infection & causes the whole experiment fail . . . i know that wasn't your point, but whatever, it's monday at 16.52 & i'm basically running on empty, sorry!

hope your friend appreciates your bald love :)

Paul said...

I have enjoyed your blog tremendously, so thank you! I'm a regular visitor now...