Saturday, August 29, 2009

Contributing Writer...

I received an email from a *reader* (said with tongue in cheek because the notion of ANYONE repetitively coming here to "read" is Hi Larry Us!) a while back requesting to submit a contributing piece here on CHEESE. Well, seeing how I am barely a contributing writer myself these days, I said, "Golly, SURE!".

The following article was written by Emily Thomas and I have agreed to post it. As always (and just like in comments), I may not always AGREE with everything someone says, but the fact they are willing to SAY it has merit at the CHEESE headquarters. So, here you go...please welcome guest writer, Emily:

6 Tips on Staying Positive When You’re Ill

Whether you have a treatable illness or something much more serious, staying positive through your treatments and not letting the possibilities of your condition get you down can be a hard task for even the greatest of optimists. Yet, studies have shown time and time again that maintaining a positive outlook and taking care of your mental health is an essential part to your overall health and future outlook. Here are some tips that can help you look on the bright side even when you’re feeling more like a Debbie downer.

1. Put things in perspective. So you feel bad and you’re sick. But more than likely, things could be worse. If you’re doing well, improving or have a long life ahead of you, your situation isn’t really all that bad. Try to look at it from an optimistic perspective rather than just feeling bad for yourself.

2. Think about what you do have. You might be ill, but there are probably a lot of other blessings in your life. Friends, family and loved ones can be a great source of support while you’re dealing with your illness and can help to remind you of all the great things you do have, even if your health is suffering.

3. Celebrate your successes. Even small improvements in your health can be a big deal. Celebrate your good days, progress you’re making and new treatments that are working. Focusing on the positives of your illness can make it easier to deal with and keep you hopeful and happy.

4. Your brain isn’t your body. Your body may be sick, but your mind doesn’t have to follow suit. Your brain is the one in charge so make the conscious decision to take charge and not let worries, “why me’s” and depression take over your thoughts.

5. Take care of yourself. This doesn’t mean just caring for your illness it means caring for who you are as well. As much as you can, make yourself look good and feel good. After all, often looking good on the outside is the first step to changing how you see yourself from the inside.

6. Find things to laugh about. Even in the worst of times there are things that can make you laugh and lift your spirits. Surround yourself with people and things that put a smile on your face and make feeling bad not even an option.

This post was contributed by Emily Thomas, who writes about the
associate degree. She welcomes your feedback at Emily.Thomas31@

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Dayum, I'm Good!!!

Even if I DO have to say so myself...which is about the ONLY time such an accolade is ever bestowed upon me. Sigh...

Drum roll please...

I did it. I completed 100 miles of walking this summer. And I did it in 51 days! That's right...I spit in your face, Multiple Sclerosis! I managed to rack up 100 miles of urban trekking just to spite you MS...Moohahaha.

It's good to have goals. Sometimes, my biggest *goal* I set for myself is to simply get out of bed. Other days, I get a hair up my arse and decide I'll walk 100 miles...just depends on my mood I suppose. :-)

Seriously though...I have been feeling FABULOUS these past two months. Dietary changes, exercise/activity changes, and mental conditioning changes have all seemed to align the planets in my favor. I have almost forgotten less than 6 months ago, I couldn't even walk 3 blocks without being sorely fatigued...let alone 2+ miles a day...and I really DON'T want to be reminded of that, i.e., MS relapse.

Admittedly, I recognize that tomorrow morning I could awaken and be unable to walk to my bathroom...that's just how this disease plays itself. I'm really NOT in denial of my past, my diagnosis, or my future...I'm just choosing not to DWELL on it or in it. And this mental change seems to be working for me right now.

Occasionally I read MS blogs that make me want to stick a dagger through my computer screen (and I won't mention any specifics here...ehem). It's not often, but once in a while I run across an MSer who espouses this diet or that pill or this exercise or that supplement or a new snake oil as the end all/cure all for their MS...and, for EVERYONE else's MS, too. If only it were that easy, I imagine the disease wouldn't exist at ALL! But there just ISN'T one plan or shoe that fits all of us...what I choose to do today, most likely will not FIT for you and what YOU choose to be/do/live/take probably won't work for me. We may have the same diagnosis, but the disease works upon us individually...just like the treatments do.

I've had some emails/inquires requesting more information about exactly WHAT I am doing that has caused this huge detour in my physical/emotional health...I don't mind sharing what is currently working for me with all y'all. As a matter of fact, I'm quite eager and narcissistic enough to WANT to toot my own horn (or wear my own halo)! But please do not mistake my personal enthusiasm as YOUR truth...I've found something that is currently working for ME, not you. If there is something you can glean from what I am doing that will assist you, then know I will HAPPILY share the information. But I do not want anyone to magically believe my path should or could be YOUR path. This bottle of SNAKE oil is mine!! You'll have to find your own. LOL

So, enough about me...what's happening in YOUR world? What things/treatments/ideas/diets/etc. are YOU trying these days to manage your MS symptoms? What have you found that helps YOU to feel better or at least more in control of your current issues? Is there something you are doing that would be helpful to share with everyone dealing with this disease? Talk amongst yourselves and leave a comment...I'll gladly share the "Dayum, I'm Good" title with you!...

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Y'all Make Me LOL Til I'm ROFLMAO...

Recent emails and wall-to-wall comments on FaceButt (Facebook, for those not into *social circles* on the Net) have FORCED me to finally pick up my laptop (which has collected dust on my bedside stand from lack of use) and pound out a tidbit post on CHEESE...y'all have made me grab myself with laughter this past week (clarifying = I am grabbing myself in APPROPRIATE places, such as the belly) with your witty inquiries into my whereabouts...emails have either ranged between wishing I were dead or checking to see if I still am maintaining a pulse. Alas...for those of you praying to the gods of mortality I might have succumbed to an untimely death, I must report I am STILL ALIVE!!! Jen even tried contacting me on a Ouija board...desperate times call for (pun intended) desperate measures I suppose. LOL
I've been busy enjoying my life. **THUD**

I know. That is a highly profound statement. But pick your chin (or body) up off the floor and shake off the shock...I'm very much alive and I am well.

Many of you tried in vain for nearly 3 years to get me to SHUT MY PIE HOLE on this blog...and now that I've stepped away for a few weeks (OK, more like six), I can't believe ANY of you would imagine I had nothing left to say! Since when has having nothing meaningful to say kept me from typing out my senseless verbal diarrhea?!? And as far as not visiting YOUR blog...well, take comfort in the fact I have visited NO ONE'S blog in the past month and a half. I'VE BEEN BUSY ENJOYING MY LIFE.

So, here's the skinny on my typically boring, but time-consuming life:

Yes, I am still doing the Metabolism Miracle food plan...and I am pleased to report a whopping 21 pound weight loss. I wish I had a heavier number to report, but last week hit me with a bit of a set back. All I can figure out is, hormones at 45 are a BEAUCH on the metabolism! I actually GAINED 3 pounds over night on the weekend last week...and spent the following 6 days LOSING the little bastids again. Sigh. I'm hoping the recent draining of the uterus (i.e., menses, mother nature card, period, Aunt Flo...please insert your own wording for that monthly PAIN) will put me back on track and shift my metabolism into a fat and carb burning machine once again. I was rather enjoying the rapid weight change.

I've also continued onward with my goal of walking 100 miles this summer...I'm now only 9 miles away from a "hoot n hollarin" celebration! That's right...I've been walking SO much, I've nearly worn out a pair of sneakers. I'm not sure what my *celebration* will include when I complete this goal, but I'm thinking a chocolate bar is probably out of the question...would rather defeat the purpose of my slave-driving trek, no? I feel EXTREMELY fortunate to still feel the energy to put one foot in front of the other AND have the luxury of walking even with MS.

And speaking of Multiple Sclerosis (because this IS an MS blog and I am destined to mention the crappy disease at least once)......................hmmm............well............uhhhhhh...........I guess I have very little to say about THAT!! I've been doing so incredibly well physically (just to SPITE Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named), I've nearly forgotten I allegedly HAVE that diagnosis. Hehe...yeah, OK. I still have that spastic leg thangy in my calves...and I still get that saran wrap vision thangy in my left eye when I over heat...and I STILL get episodes of fatigue (what I commonly refer to as *dropsy*) at various times during my day. I'm just ignoring all of that. Or, better yet, I'm just learning/learned to live WITH it and around it. **insert loud knocking on wood sound**

I recently started seeing a massage therapist also, who obviously trained with our very own CIA in torture techniques. She's a Rolfer (google it) by training and she hurts me so badly I sometimes want to yelp. It is SOOOO dee vine! I think the little 5'3"-barely-bigger-around-than-my-right-thigh-woman could probably work the kinks out of a piece of variegated metal if she tried long enough. We've been doing a lot of neck and shoulder work, opening up specific muscles that have long laid dormant because of lack of exercise and bad posture...consequently, I have not had to use my TENS unit but a few nights this past month. Woohoo to paying for really DOES hurt good.

Yes, I have survived ALL of Mother Nature's brutal weather this summer, i.e., HEAT WAVES. And I really DID try to purchase a portable air conditioner (honest I did, Joyce!). Funny thing though...everyone ELSE in Seattle had the exact, same idea at the exact, same time! There was not a portable unit to be found on the left I suffered through it...stealing free air conditioning at work when I could and probably lingering way past my welcome at the local grocery store on several store runs. It has once again turned into the mild Seattle summer I am accustomed to...mid to lower 70's...and beautiful.

I have even finalized plans to take a small vacation in late September. I KNOW?!? Who KNEW I'd ever leave the state of Washington again?!? AND board an airplane?? Well, I plan to board an airplane anyway...I guess I'll find out if my name has been removed from that terrorist watch list or not. Ehem.

I've also got my Houston friend, Skeeter, returning to Seattle in September as well as the MS Bike ride to much to do, so little time. I've stopped apologizing to friends (and Internet friends, too) for my disappearing act this is what it is. I really CAN'T apologize for being BUSY AND ENJOYING MY LIFE. That would be like apologizing for breathing, which I am NOT sorry I do regularly...most days.

And now, back to the regularly schedule program...I will resume being BUSY AND ENJOYING MY LIFE. I'll be back here on CHEESE eventually...even GOOD things can't shut me up THAT long... :-)

Saturday, August 08, 2009

The Food Nazi...

I have a friend, Coco, who I've referred to once or twice before in past posts...the other *loving* (ehem) moniker I have given to her in real life is, "The FOOD NAZI".

My friend (who shall now be known as "FN" for this particular post) is an all organic, grow-most-of-my-own-food, wouldn't say *McDonald's* if she had a mouthful of it, person who spends a lot of her time with her food. Tending her garden in the summer months can take up entire blocks of days, let alone PREPARING the fruits of her harvest. She only buys organic label and wouldn't eat/drink processed sugar unless it was slipped like a date rape drug in her glass jar of well water! She is the epitome of *natural* chemicals added, which I guess also makes HER organic meat! Although not vegetarian, she consumes mostly all fruits and vegetables in her daily regimen of food intake. I think she may even crap fruit baskets and trail mix...but we're not THAT close of friends for me to ask such a personal question. LOL (And I KNOW you are reading this, FN, so maybe you could enlighten me after all!)

In the past, I have sometimes become annoyed by her insistence of a *chemical-free* diet...after all, the CHEESE just kicked the Mountain Dew habit 6 weeks ago (speaking of nuclear toxic drinks...which I still secretly wish to have!). It takes a lot of time and focus to maintain such an intake plan...time I have sometimes wished we used on other things when we are trashy movies, junk food, and wayward gossip.

But lately, I have found a new respect for FN and her dietary structure. Several of you have sent me emails lately wondering just what the CHEESE WAS subsisting on if there was no Mt. Dew pulsing freely through my veins? A few of you have inquired just what *fad* diet I was partaking in to have lost (now) 18 pounds in 6 weeks? Has this change in dietary needs affected my overall negative view of the world and dampened my sarcasm (that last question was obviously asked by someone who does not know me well!)?

Well, preciouses...I'm about to expose a food day in the life of the CHEESE over the past 6 weeks! Aren't you excited?!? Crack open that can of Mt. Dew (I even miss the SOUND Dew makes, which is not like any other soda pop...sigh) and get comfy. THIS is what the CHEESE has been doing for the past month and a half:

About 2 months ago and deep in the throws of what was becoming a seriously depressed mood, I made a conscious decision I HAD to change some things in my life...or the alternative was to lay down and die. That's how miserable I was feeling. I was catching EVERY bug that circled within a 100 mile radius of my immune system and I not only EMOTIONALLY felt like crap, but also physically. I made a decision to change many things in my emotional/mental world (like cutting out so many of the extracurricular tasks I had taken on at work and shutting out gossip from my life, etc.) and was desperate to spark some kind of change in my physical self. 6 years of an MS diagnosis, DMD's and experimental drugs, and somewhere around 35 (yes, that number IS correct) IV's of steroids took a major toll on my body, causing excessive weight gain with each infusion...weight that moved me well into the obese category and something I struggled in vain to shed.

Life sucked like the hose of a vacuum cleaner...for a lack of better, visual analogy. LOL I couldn't find clothes that fit (not that I've EVER enjoyed shopping for clothes, mind you), I was exhausted ALL of the time (and not "normal" MS fatigue either), and I was finding it harder and harder just to muster the energy to rise out of bed each day.

**Insert sound of a running vacuum cleaner nozzle here**

In my process to find SOMETHING that might fit my particular needs and make sense to my scientific mind (rather hoity toity to call my feeble, fart-humored mind *scientific*...really), I stumbled upon a book written by a dietitian from New Jersey (go Jersey girls! Said for YOU, Jen...ehem). The author's name is Diane Kress and the book is called, "The Metabolism Miracle". Much of what I read preliminarily about her book in press releases struck a chord in me as if she were TALKING to me. The *plan* is a 3-step plan of changing dietary habits, resting one's pancreas and liver for the first 8 weeks, then gradually moving into eating changes that become a lifetime habit...she even said in the press releases SHE, herself, suffered from what she has labeled, "Metabolism B".

You may find this amusing to learn, the CHEESE comes from a genetic cesspool of pudgy, overweight, diabetic, heart-diseased, cancer-ridden blobs (although I'm only referencing my DEAD relatives...which are nearly ALL of them!). CHEESE MOM was chronically hypoglycemic her entire life (too low blood sugar), but with a diastolic blood pressure (bottom, or second something number of the reading, *something over something*) that could rise into the low hundreds...she was not fat, per se, but had her own bizarre health anomalies (like aneurysms, which were only discovered after one KILLED her). And CHEESE DAD (who is often referred to as "EP" or...the man my mother slept with...too long a tale to complete in a blog, so leave it!) was an overweight, high blood pressured, coronary artery disease, diabetic old fart who ALWAYS seemed to have the shadow of the Grim Reaper lurking behind him.

As I said: A genetic cesspool.

So, as I sat around trying to shake off an insidious depressive state and still see my gnarly hobbit feet sticking out from under my frame, I got "The Metabolism Miracle" book and I read it...and dayum, if it didn't sound like me on every page (because, after all...the world IS all about me)!'s the wasn't really my FAULT, but more my PROBLEM to deal with. I can't go into great detail here about the book's content, lest I find myself sitting in a court room settling a plagiarism lawsuit, but I suggest if you are interested in hearing more about Ms. Kress' plan, get the book from your local library or order one's still only in hardback copy and about $22.00 to ship from Amazon dot com...and NO, I am NOT being paid to plug her book in this blog. As a matter of fact, if she knew someone with my reputation were plugging her book, she'd probably force feed me doughnuts until I exploded!

Anywhozit...what I CAN say in my own blog is exactly what I have been doing these past 6 weeks as I personalize the *plan* and follow the book's instructions. You might be shocked to learn I am NOT sitting around eating twigs and berries! Far from it actually.

The *plan*, as I like to call it (sounds sort of like a pyramid scheme or door to door Shakley sales...hmmm), consists of eating EVERY 5 HOURS WHETHER I AM HUNGRY OR NOT and taking in 5 grams of carbohydrates during my every five hour feedings. The goal for my first 8 weeks is to rest my over-functioning pancreas and liver and to only provide these organs enough blood glucose necessary to function. People with Metabolism B tend to crave carbohydrates, eat lot's of them causing blood sugars to rise and fall rapidly, then crave some more...folks with Met-B ALSO tend to be pre-diabetics or become diabetics, too, if dietary changes are not made. This is because of a vicious cycle that sets in as the pancreas OVER responds to the blood glucose levels, which cause too much insulin to be squirted out and circulating in the blood stream, which in turn RAPIDLY decreases the blood glucose level too quickly. In layman's terms: My metabolism has been like a hamster chasing air on a wheel...except the *wheel* has not provided me any EXERCISE and has only made me retain more fat than burn it!

"If the CHEESE is not eating twigs and berries, then what IS she eating?" you ask, scratching your heads and worrying about Mt. Dew withdrawal coma. Well, funny you should ask...I eat a LOT of CHEESE!!! (Hehe) And of course, several other items as well.

5 grams of carbohydrate is NOT a lot...carb content of some breads would mean I could only eat about a 1/4 to a 1/2 slice, which would make for a teeny, tiny finger sandwich. So, I have to shop diligently for LOW CARB items and sugar free items that don't taste like I've just licked the inside of a rusty tin can (and there ARE some great low carb/sugar free items out there...never thought I'd EVER put that line in print). The things I CAN'T eat right now are:

  1. Fruits...ALL fruits...not even a berry here or there.

  2. Corn, potatoes, peas, carrots, or beans.

  3. Mountain Dew...I dew miss you, my friend!

  4. Any high carbohydrate-containing food.

My day usually starts out with eggs or a product called *Egg Beaters* (not to be confused with *wife beaters*) scrambled with Canadian Bacon (because American Bacon just doesn't taste the same...good on ya, Canada!) and sauteed onion or other vegetables and cheese. I am supposed to eat 5 grams of carbs within an hour of waking, so I usually have a piece of Dakota Bread from Great Harvest Bread Co with some sugar-free strawberry jelly. My mid-morning snack will consist of a handful of nuts (because nuts are considered a FREE carb on the *plan*...woohoo!) and/or a piece of string cheese or other cheese. Lunch might be a lean hamburger crumpled over a bed of salad and veggies, or a 5 gram carb tortilla wrap filled with roasted chicken, deli meat, or tuna and lettuce/other veggies with about a tablespoon of Philadelphia cream cheese for flavor (and the cream cheeses COME flavored also). For dessert, I have a sugar-free jello cup. Mid day snack might be more cheese or peanut butter in celery or some other concoction of protein, such as smoked salmon. My evening meal will also contain a piece of Dakota Bread usually, sometimes several ounces of grilled steak or other meats, steamed or grilled vegetables and a side salad.

As you can see, I am now spending a LOT of my time focusing on the foods I buy and prepare for myself to eat! And I haven't even added in my hour long walk/2.5 mile hike I try to take daily just so my changing metabolism recognizes what is FAT and what is MUSCLE lurking inside my skin!! Oddly, I have NOT found myself to be a stark-raving, carb-craving lunatic as of yet...this is a good thing I believe. :-) And I have consistently awakened with more energy and less and less body pain each day. I jokingly now tell my friends (who are conscious enough to notice the CHEESE is shrinking slowly), " I'm only about 500 pounds away from being labeled MORBIDLY OBESE to just OBESE...WooHoo!" (Disclaimer: I do NOT weigh 500 pounds, thus making the statement a *joke*)

I have a very LONG way to go in making this plan/behavioral changes stick...I'm not so naive as to think 6 weeks of doing something will result in a lifetime change. But the key here for me is to recognize I AM making changes and I CAN feel better by putting some effort into it. Who knows? Maybe one day I will earn the coveted title of FOOD NAZI...Moohahaha. Better yet, I'd rather LOSE the title as the FAT CHICK with MS...

Friday, August 07, 2009

I JUST Have MS...

Time sure flies by when you DON'T have MS!

OK...Yes, I am still diagnosed with the disease (although I am prone to debate over that one...what am I saying? I'm *prone* to debate ANYTHING!). But I have to say, the past two months relatively MS-symptom-free except for the chronic neurological annoyances, has been DEE VINE. I have had no pinpointed, new, cropping up neurological disturbances for several weeks now...leaving me often in a state of AMNESIA about Multiple Sclerosis most of the time during the past 8 - 10 weeks. Who KNEW there was life WITH MS?!?

This morning was the first in a long series of days where muscle spasms startled me awake. I've had this phenomenon before and usually it has been my belief the symptom is more related to my inability to hold a stable potassium level...but I have to say, the return of the calf muscles in a Charlie Horse spasm x 10 magnitude DID startled me awake...I had let my guard down after all. I wasn't expecting anything other than my typical *good feeling body* to be housing my brain today. That's just what happens when life is sailing smoothly...sort of like women who forget the pain of childbirth (which, I think they are LIARS! Hehe). Out of sight, out of mind.

So, when I awoke around 5:00AM with my feet pointing straight outward like a fat ballerina and my knees drawn up to my chest, it took me several minutes to figure out I had NOT been hog-tied in my sleep. The pain (I can only imagine) is much like that of cramping childbirth...only in my legs...Lamaze breathing is about the only thing one can do until they (me) gather their (me) wits about them(me). This morning's vise grip spasms were also accompanied by a heaviness in my chest and a pulse of 42! For those of you not in the *know* about a normal heart rate, it's usually somewhere between 60 - 80 beats a minute...42 is (dare I say?) just not acceptable for sustaining life in a prolonged manner.

I reached over to my bedside stand and grabbed my cell phone and my nurse's cap...I keep both handy at all times. LOL Pulse 42, heaviness in the chest, but not pain per se, muscle spasms bilaterally? Hmmm...perhaps I SHOULD have eaten that banana that was offered to me yesterday?!? After a brief "Oh Sh!+" panic, I diagnosed myself with probable very low potassium level and dragged my cramping legs out of bed to my medicine cabinet. If you've ever taken oral potassium, you'll already know the pills are like swallowing a small sausage sideways...they're HUGE. But, after gagging one down my gullet and laying back down for another hour, the symptoms slowly began to subside. It appears I am going to have to begin taking these horse pills again on a daily basis if I want to keep up my aerobic exercise plan and dietary regimen...minor inconvenience.

Which brings me to the title of this blog (albeit loosely)...I JUST Have MS.

I would never want to minimize ANYONE else' experience with Multiple Sclerosis as I know there are many, many people out there who's MS has cost them so much in their lives...from mobility to cognitive functions to daily excruciating pain to loss of bladder/bowel functions to...the list goes on and on and each neurological symptom takes it's toll on everyone differently. But, so far...but for the grace of God go I...MS has seemed to settle quietly in my life like a layer of dust on a book shelf. I am still working full time, still mobile, still able to add 2 + 2 (OK, that's an exaggeration...I've NEVER been able to add or subtract, but not because of MS!), and still enjoying a sometimes rare quality of life.

When I look at those around me less fortunate in their MS, I am very grateful for what the disease has NOT taken from me...and I knock on wood, spin around in a circle three times, and throw salt over my shoulder as a measure of good fortune every time I acknowledge this: I JUST have MS.

Very recently, I was engaged in a conversation with my now ill friend, R.S., and I was whining about catching yet ANOTHER cold virus in July. R.S. smiled at me saying, "It's all relative", then proceeded to tell me about a horrific fall he took off his roof the night before. He managed to walk away WITHOUT a head injury or broken bones, but was seriously scraped and bruised down his entire side...less than 3 weeks later, he is now diagnosed with a terrible illness and is in a battle for his life.

It's all relative and I JUST have MS.

I find those words above much harder to say when I have been in a *bad* way or relapse with my MS. I imagine that is because the fear of the unknown grips my by the neck and clouds my vision...MS is in my face at those times and distorts my perceptions of the continuum I travel upon. At those times, mumbling in humble fashion, "I have MS", is about all I can muster...THAT cold reality can feel overwhelming.

But, when I am feeling *well* (relatively speaking), I sometimes want to deny the disease in me and all it's possibilities...I want to shout from the top of Mount Rainier, "I JUST have MS!", and hike down with exuberant glee. Some days, I'm very thankful I JUST have MS...I am without fear and peaceful in those now. Even waking with what felt like a probable heart attack in the making (I DO exaggerate!) was/is just a bump in my road and not a road detour needed.

It is times like these I am remind of some powerful lyrics from a Carly Simon song: "That life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon"...too bad she couldn't have added, "and I JUST have MS". Seems somehow fitting at the moment for me. LOL

SOOOOO...(you KNEW it was coming)...I've decided it IS OK for me to blog about feeling healthy and well. I know, I know...many of you have been coming here to CHEESE faithfully to be inspired by my *pithy* (or is that *pissy*?) wit and extreme sport sarcasm. I promise you, somewhere deep and buried within my pollyannic projections right now, that edgy and often angst-filled person STILL exists...yes, the FART humor remains, too. But I realized recently I have been avoiding this blog because I've had nothing BAD to say about MS! I've had nothing to commiserate upon. No traumas, no personal tragedies...nada. Life is good at the moment (STOP setting up a betting poll on time/date of my demise and when I will fly my middle finger at life again!!).

If you can tolerate my happiness (huh, huh...I said penis!) for the time being, I'll try to post more often than I have been. I mean, surely there will be SOMETHING out there that occurs in my life worthy of posting? There MUST be a smidgen of bodily functions humor left unpublished in this world?!?

**Checking my fart joke file now**...