Downsize Me Begins...

Wow! I've been missing from action for about 36 hours. I managed to finish the final inservice/teaching project at work on Thursday (**insert a big "WOOHOO" here please**), only to find myself completely debilitated AGAIN very early Friday morning by another headache...AKA, "migraine", as Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named has labeled it. It was that same pliers-squeezing-my-eyeball-pain in my left eye...THIS time, I also had numbness and a bit of a droop to the left side of my face! Talk about a happy Friday the 13th...

Fortunately, I'm a fairly quick study (sometimes) and decided around 2:00AM to start loading up on the narcotics. I finally fell back to sleep around 8:00AM and was able to doze off and on all day on Friday...the pain began letting up Friday evening. Dr. SWWNBN has decided to do yet ANOTHER MRI of my noggin, but I'm not sure what (if anything) she is looking for...she may just be checking to make sure I still HAVE a brain! I suppose since this "brain pain" is brand new, she might be checking for any changes afoot.

A few days ago, I wrote about possibly trying an experiment with myself being the sole participant...it was about cutting out the "Dew"/caffeine from my diet and seeing if there might be any significant and noticeable changes in my fatigue/sleep/blood pressure (and now headaches, I add).

Well...as luck would have it, I was so miserable in pain and nauseated on Friday, I consumed NO caffeine whatsoever! So I decided now might be as good a time as any to get my project, "Downsize Me" under way...this should be interesting...LOL

I'm going to be tracking my fatigue, hours of sleep, weight, and blood pressure for the next 28 days as I eliminate ALL caffeine from my diet...I'm already CRAVING chocolate of all things! Of course this is completely subjective (and I'm sorry to say, most PHARMACEUTICAL STUDIES are, too...they'd just like to think they're not!) and will never be published in the annals of Neurology Today. LOL Woe is me...

As I weave (and maybe even heave) my way through the next 28 days, I'll be using BRAINCHEESE as a forum to document this "highly regarded study"...as always, I'll try to keep it entertaining if not down right riveting...(now I'M nearly wetting my pants laughing at that prospect!)

So, here's a little video I've prepared for you as the launch pad for "DOWNSIZE ME"...and just so you know...no animals will be harmed in this study!
(Please forgive the typos in the video (like "heroine" instead of heroin, etc)...for the love of Gawd, I've been without caffeine so give me a friggin' break here!)

A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words...

Need I say more?

Don't Touch My Dew!...

It's a well-known fact, I don't drink coffee. I'm rather surprised I have not been ridden out of Seattle on a rail by the mega-coffee pusher, STARBUCKS...I just DO NOT like coffee, so sue me, big boys! I know it's completely "unamerican" to live in the city known around the world for it's coffee producers...whatever.

It's rather funny when I admit to the "locals" that I'm not a coffee fan. They look at me in total disbelief as if I've grown two heads...they shake their heads and I am sure consider ME "touched" in the head. Living where I do and NOT drinking coffee is almost like being a hardcore drug addict and living in a pharmacy...how could I NOT be tempted to at least TRY the goods???

Well, I'm not. And the reason for this is because I have my own, secret caffeine weapon, which is far more superb than regular old coffee. It's Mountain Dew...the soft drink of champions! (And I'm not getting paid by the Pepsi Company to say this either!)

When the MS fatigue hit me big time before even being diagnosed, I stumbled upon Mt. Dew. At first, I thought the drink just "tasted good" and I realized I actually craved it over time. Unfortunately, what I "craved" was not the taste, however...it was the bolus of caffeine found in every can...about 55mg per 12 ounces to be exact!

Now, by comparison to the regular drip coffee at Starbucks (which contains caffeine somewhere in the realm of 200mg per 8 ounces), it is true I would need to drink about 4/12 ounce servings of Mountain Dew to equal 1/8 ounce serving of coffee...this sounds pretty good to me because I "dew" like the taste of Mt. Dew. But then there's the sugar content...

Mountain Dew contains roughly 46 grams of sugar per 12 ounce can...that's a pretty lofty dose of carbohydrates. And, if I were to drink 4/12 ounce cans equaling one 8 ounce serving of Starbucks caffeine content (and believe me, I HAVE done this!), that sugar content quadruples - 184 grams of sugar...this MIGHT explain the weight issue...LOL

I've been thinking a lot lately about my caffeine consumption (let's just call a spade a spade...my OVERWHELMING DAILY INTAKE OF MOUNTAIN DEW!) and making some connections between my current fatigue level and this consumption. I'm worried one feeds off the other. My previous neurologist (NOT Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named...she would NEVER give me this advice!) told me to just go ahead and "down the dew" (not her words, mine) if I thought it helped with my fatigue...she also told me this because I refused to take Amantidine or Provigil, two drugs given to combat MS fatigue! I imagine she weighed the results and it simply wasn't worth fighting over with me...

In my current thinking, I am considering doing my own, home-grown, unblinded, completely biased study regarding this issue...but I'm not just stopping there. I am also weighing out the possibility of including this "study" here on BrainCheese, with moi as it's sole participant! (The drug companies will LOVE this!) I am currently researching the cause and effects of MS fatigue/diet/caffeine consumption/blood pressure and, once I have gathered my data, I may begin my personal study...of course, all documented here for your reading entertainment (or lack there of).

But I don't think I could ever DO and WRITE ABOUT anything without some kind of sarcastic humor, so...I'm thinking of doing this 28 day experiment/study based on the same principles as the movie, "Super-size Me". My personal study will be presented as a "mockumentary" and I think it will be called, "Down-size Me". I'm still working out the details (and what I could possibly LIVE with as guidelines!), but I'll definitely keep all y'all posted.

In the meantime, I'm off to have a few sips of the "Dew" and decide if I can possibly give up my drug of choice for 28 days in the name of pseudoscience!...

I'm So Tired...

Madeline Kahn said it best when she sang the song in "Blazing Saddles"..."Let's face it boys. Every thing from here down is kaput!" And if you could imagine (or not...that might be scary) me holding my hand at approximately my neck, well...everything from there down below is "kaput". I'm just plain good-old-fashioned-worn-out tired!

As is typical, whenever I KNOW I have to get up to an alarm, last night was a very restless sleep...if you can call 4 hours a "sleep"...I know some might simply call that a NAP. But that is the sum total of hours I spent in bed tossing and turning, knowing my alarm was going to slap me into consciousness way too early this morning. I think my "unconscious" motto is, "Why wait for an alarm to do that? Just GET UP NOW!"

So, at 4:00AM I crawled out of bed, unable to return to sleep. In some ways I guess I should be proud of myself...I was up even before Dawn's crack was showing!

I proceeded to dink around for another 2 1/2 hours with showering, messing on the computer, etc., only to find myself feeling somewhat ill from my total lack of sleep...you know the "illness" kind...that sickening feeling in the pit of your gut, most likely due to way too much caffeine and anxiety? So, to combat the sickening feeling, I simply drank MORE caffeine and added a high carb/heavy sugared doughnut into the mix...not wise, believe me!

By the time I arrived at work at 7:00AM (just when Dawn was lazily yawning and stretching and preparing to show her crack), I was ready to return to bed. But instead, I prepared a conference room for the training I was teaching (by the way, you rock, "T"!), gathered my wits, and proceeded to teach a 4 hour, highly active, training session. I even broke sweat!

At noon, "T" and I were both bleary-eyed, a bit crabby, and exhausted...neither of us are DAY PEOPLE. We took down the conference room, gathered our things, had a meeting with the Big Boss Lady, and went to get some lunch. By this point, conversation was even becoming difficult.

At lunch in the food court, I suddenly became overwhelmed with exhaustion and advised "T" I might just lay down on the floor and take a nap...surrounded by about a hundred people no less! I didn't care...tired had over come me and I didn't want to move again without a rest.

Fortunately, I DIDN'T lay down in the busy food court (but I REALLY REALLY WANTED TO!) and managed to get back to our office a few blocks away. It was now time for DP's going away/retirement party...the question arose, "Do you have a camera?"

Of course I have a camera and I happened to have it with me (to take pictures in our training)...this was an open invitation for having to remain alert and awake even longer. I spent the next 1+ hours taking photos of dear DP and the group that had gathered to wish him farewell, standing on chairs to get the "best" shot of everyone in the room. My legs were beginning to wobble at this juncture.

The party is now over and I am obviously back home...attempting to tend to my needy kitty, who has been attention deprived for the past 3 weeks, AND type this blog. Before I left the office today, one of my coworkers commented on my "movement" while in the training, saying, "You're really moving well these days"...it's no doubt because I chased her with a large, padded stick...everyone looks bigger than life when they carry a huge stick and careen it toward your head! LOL It was all part of the training (we really don't beat each other at my office...honestly).

Her comment once again reminded me of the "hidden" side of Multiple Sclerosis...that "fatigued, I need a nap because I'm exhausted" side...the side of MS no one sees or feels, but me. That side of MS which sometimes feels more debilitating than blindness, bladder problems, or paralysis.

I don't spite my coworkers for these comments...I know they are just happy to see me be able to dash and run again. Last year was a loooong year of recovery from relapse and I spent much of it having to walk with a cane. And I know there's no use in trying to make them or force them to understand my fatigue...unless you've had it, you don't get it (because it's not simply being "tired" folks!).

I think the best thing I can do for myself this late afternoon and evening is go lay on the couch and stare at the TV or ceiling...my batteries need recharging...my body needs a break. Everything from my head down is "kaput" and I'm so tired. And, thanks to Madeline Kahn, I have a song I can sing to explain it all!...

Dawn Will Show Her Crack Again...Hussy!...

Yup...it's true. I'll be up at the crack of dawn AGAIN on Monday! Why God, why?!?

I know why and the answer is simple...I'm easy. Fortunately, I am NOT free! I will be training the final early morning class of Management of Aggressive Behavior in the wee hours of the morning at work tomorrow. And just to pour an ample amount of salt in my wound, it IS supposed to be my day off!

It's nearly 9:45PM on Sunday right now...I'm still up posting on a blog...I'll probably STILL be up until my "usual" bedtime, which falls somewhere between midnight and 3:00AM. The good news (if one can call it "good") is, with such little sleep in the morning, I will remain blissfully unaware and unconcerned about the training attendees...at least not until around 10:00AM when I actually DO wake up. LOL

We also have the first round of good-bye parties for DP, my retiring boss. But, of course, this will not start at the office until 2:00PM (when I would normally be reporting for work if I was SUPPOSED to be at work...and not home ON MY DAY OFF!)...this means I will "linger" (or malinger...just depends) at the office following our training, which ends at noon. There's always lunch to eat, but two hours is a long time to kill when sleep deprived...sort of makes me WANT to kill instead.

I cannot seem to get that totally stupid sleep aid commercial out of my head right now as I type...you know the one. Lunesta. By tomorrow evening I'll most likely be wishing I had some of that, except MY drug would be spelled "Loonesta"...fitting, eh?

Off now to prepare to go to bed so I can stare at the ceiling and chastise myself for my "simple" ways...

**Note to self: Never ever agree to do something at work unless there is a substantial amount of cash involved for your time and effort. Thank You's do NOT equal cash, nor can Thank You's pay the mortgage.**

Easter Memories...

Amazing Grace - An...

(You must click on the esnip song to get the full benefit of this post...then begin reading. It's what my mother would have wanted! LOL)

I haven't always been a "heeth-ern"...that's PTW (poor white trash) talk for "heathen". As a matter of fact, I grew up in the Church of Christ. That would be the "be dipped or be damned" Church of Christ!

Eastertime was always one of those oddly special religious holidays in my home. I have photos of many Easters filled with baskets of candy and dyed Easter eggs...I am smiling in most of these shots, but too young to recall them, so I can only imagine Easter was a "good thing".

Every year, my mother (Peggy...I fondly call her "Peg" now because we were not allowed to shorten her name growing up!) would purchase an Easter Lily for herself and for my grandma, Goldie (mother's mother). It was a tradition. When I finally grew wings and moved away from home later in life, I became the lily bearer, sending my mother and my grandmother these beautiful flowers from afar.

My mother was not a religious woman, but I never really appreciated her "spirituality" until much later in life. Growing up, she was the "go to church" enforcer...making sure her girls attended Sunday School, Bible School, and any other religious activity at the church. I didn't much like having to wake up early on a Sunday morning, dress in "Sunday-go-to-meeting" clothes, and hang out at the church until my sister came to retrieve me and take me home.

In my teens, my aversion to church changed somewhat...religion (i.e., Christianity) gave me a purpose and some sort of meaning in a tumultuous adolescent life. When Easter Sunday rolled around, I was the first out of bed before sunrise to attend my church's sunrise service. The congregation (or at least the early risers and weather-braving souls) would meet at the church and drive to a local pasture to hold service as the sun peeked over the Nebraska plains. Often the wind and cold of the early morning would prevent us from standing in the prairie grass too long...but it was STILL a beautiful time all the same.

My mother loved to play her Anne Murray and Elvis Presley cassette tapes on Easter Sunday, while she stood in her kitchen preparing a feast for our family and any extended family or friends who wanted to eat at our house. I recall these Easters with great fondness. Mother would be in her kitchen singing along with the music, baking bread, frying chicken, and turning our dyed eggs into potato salad. We often begged her not to sing (as all kids do), but she belted out her tunes all the same.

Her favorite hymn of all time was "Amazing Grace"...I actually found (believe it or not!) a copy of Anne Murray singing this song on the Internet...when I heard the song playing back today, I was immediately taken back to a time in my life when, just for one day, all seemed right in the world...on Easter Sunday, all WAS right in the world. My mother was happily singing and cooking, doing two of the things that brought her joy.

I have long since traded many of the original traditions I grew up with into something more "workable" for my own beliefs now...but when I heard this song today, I was immediately reminded of my mother and a time when religion and spirituality seemed so "pure"...a time in my life when I didn't know any different and that was all OK...

A Bit More Easter Sacrilege, And Then I'll Stop...Maybe!...

The phone rings, I note the caller ID of "private" and answer, knowing it is one of three people I know who call my super secret number with their own blocked line. The laughter traveling across the phone wires is almost contagious...

It is my long time mentor/friend/partner in crime of weird humor calling to tell me NPR has just run a "hi-larius" program of Weekend America, all centered around...get this...PEEPS! If you don't believe me, here's the link and you can check it out yourself: http://weekendamerica.publicradio.org/programs/2007/04/07/a_peep_in_every_dish.html

The radio show was/is about cooking with PEEPS...I have to say, some of the recipes on the website remind me of MDMHVONPA'S ill-fated SPAM recipes he was running on his blog a few months back (link: http://mdmhvonpa.blogspot.com/2007_01_01_archive.html )...I didn't try his SPAM recipes either! LOL

There are several links on the Weekend America site within the PEEP article that are funny, if not down right insane. For instance, there's a website link devoted to "PEEP Haiku"...just between you and me (**I say with a whispering voice and my hand to the side of my mouth**), I think PEEP Haiku goes a bit above and beyond devotion. In my state of residence, one could find themselves doing hard time in the mental hospital for that! LOL (But I KNOW you'll want to "peep" in on the site, so here's that link as well: http://www.peephaiku.com/ )

I leave you now with my final PEEP reference...PEEPS Pink Floyd: The Wall. Had this video been around in the 80's (when we all had Eighty's hair and thought the movie, "Pink Floyd: The Wall", was revolutionary), I'm certain it would have been a big hit...(NOT!):

A Good Man...

Today is the last day of "work" for my friend and boss, DP. I've really only known DP for the past 7 years, but during this short time, I have felt as if he is a kindred spirit of sorts.

DP has "health issues"...who DOESN'T in this day and age?!? But his health and illnesses have taken a steady and chronic turn...he is "retiring" today on disability. He's not old enough to officially retire, but I'd like to think his absence from the daily grind of working will bring him some "retirement" and rest.

Because I'm also living with a chronic and unpredictable illness, DP's retirement has especially touched a chord in my heart. It stirs up personal fears of self-reliance and stability...it pulls at strings of sadness with a sweet song of vulnerability. But for the grace of God, go I...and at any time in my life, my path could look quite similar to DP's.

I'm hoping we will not lose touch with one another, but I know this is only a "hope"...as lives change and paths detour, it takes considerable effort to stay connected and to reconnect. I will try my best to maintain our tentative bond...I only hope he may have the strength to do so as well.

I don't believe DP reads BrainCheese (and if you do, well...damnit Jim! You're no longer my boss so don't come whining to me about what I write about you!)...but even so, I wanted to take pause today to honor this good man and wish him well...

Sarah_McLachlan_I_...

This song's for you, Fat B-Turd (no alarm here...it's an inside and personal pet name!)...

Something Just Not Right About It...

They've been on the shelves now, probably even before the sun went down on Valentine's Day...I'm talking about those sugar-laden, little marshmallow things we've come to associate with Eastertime. Peeps.

When I was still young enough to believe in the Easter Bunny (and I promise NOT to digress here about my concerns of just how prolific rabbits and the resurrection of Jesus became a combined holiday tradition and belief! LOL), there were Peeps. These little candy treats have been around for nearly 70 years (and NO, I am not old enough to remember the "birth" of Peeps...who, by the way, are made by a company called "Just Born"). They are a part of Springtime and now even a part of Christmas and Halloween.

The weirdos I work with (no, I'm NOT talking about patients here) have held long-standing traditions and beliefs about Peeps...how to eat them, when to eat them, etc. Some in my office prefer to buy their Peeps a year in advance, save them to "age" them, and then bring the Peeps out for fine dining the following year. Still others believe the "newer" tradition of Peeps shaped as bunnies is just plain WRONG...Peeps are chickens/chicks after all!

One year, a few of the "brighter bulbs" in my office decided to try something new with Peeps and use them to make smores. Graham crackers and chocolate bars were collected, as well as an assortment of Peeps. But since no one had access to a campfire in our downtown office, "someone" got the bright idea to try heating the Peep smores up in the microwave. An important lesson was learned that day...marshmallow Peeps WILL explode in a microwave!! (File THAT little tidbit of information in your important trivia files.)

There is even a tradition this time of year held here in Seattle...it's called the Peep Art Show/Competition. If you look closely at the photo above, you WILL be appalled to see Peeps have been substituted as disciples in Leonardo da'Vinci's "The Last Supper"...or maybe you WON'T be offended?

Maybe you, like me, will find humor in the political "incorrectness" and sarcasm of the photo and get back to the grass roots of what is REALLY important to remember and to celebrate during this Easter/Passover season. You DO recall what this is, don't you? Good...now let's all take a moment of silence together and pause to remember the Easter Bunny...LOL

Peep out, my peeps...

Take Two Aspirin And Call Me In The Morning...

Well, not exactly. Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named instructions were to take a handful of Verapamil and see if this helps my eye pain/headache!

Yep...it's still here. That vise-pressing pain in my left eye. Nothing to date has helped relieve this pain and optic neuritis has been ruled "out"...rumor has it on the streets, I may just be experiencing my first MIGRAINE.

I started out my day with a visit to my favorite Nurse Practitioner's office, PP...I had this appointment scheduled well over two months ago as it was time for my every-two-year physical. You know the "one"...where no opening on the body is left unexplored. LOL

I gimped into her office and threw myself down in a chair. My blood pressure was elevated. Her assistant asked me if this was because I was in pain? "Duh", almost fell out of my mouth, but I restrained my vocal chords.

Yes, I WAS in about a class 6-7 pain mode (the worst pain I ever had in my life caused me to pass out, so that's my "10" on the pain scale). Yes, my B/P was most likely elevated to 135/100 because my left eye felt like someone had grabbed it from behind with a pair of pliers. I tried to be pleasant to the assistant, but I just wasn't in the mood.

Put on the gown and strip down to the socks...was there anything in particular I needed to talk with PP about? Again, "duh", was sitting with a tremendous fidget on my lips...I bit my tongue as I let the assistant know I would speak directly to PP about my "issues", thank you very much.

PP entered the room, took one look at me, and inquired "what's wrong?" I proceeded to fill her in on my litany of complaints while she dutifully responded in kind with "ahuh's" and "oh's!" to each of my rehearsed lines...after all, one cannot waste time in these appointments...it's best to go prepared with a list. LOL

She listened intently (which is all the more reason she remains my FAVORITE Nurse Practitioner!), took notes, and started to address each complaint systematically. She proceeded through the motions of the "physical" while I told jokes in a feeble attempt to normalize the fact my knees were up in the air and PP's head was much too close to my Cha-Cha.

PP had blood work drawn, talked to me about my peri-menopausal symptoms (like how quickly "duh" flies off my lips in fits of hormonal agitation!) and told me to wait in her office while she consulted an ophthalmologist. I did as I was told.

The wait was short and she returned to my darkened room to tell me I was to go immediately to said Op Doc's office a few blocks away for an eye consult...PP obviously has more "pull" in the medical community than I give her credit for! I gathered my things and again, did as I was told.

The Op Doc's office was only a short wait before 11 year old, Doogie Houser, came out to take me to HIS darkened exam room...the poor man appeared to be young enough to be my son and I was sure I saw a glistening wetness behind his little ears (he WAS barely wet behind the ears!).

Doogie/Op Doc examined my eyes...he dilated my eyes (without warning, I might add), he peered inside the windows to my brain, and announced "everything looks good". I thought this was rather funny for an eye doctor to say..."looks good"...he didn't understand why I was chuckling.

Doogie reassured me my optic nerves were intact in both eyes and there did not appear to be any inflammation or external cause for my pain...he needed to consult with Mother PP. He returned to tell me Mother PP wanted me to contact Dr. SWWNBN for follow up...I asked why? He told me he didn't know, but didn't want to get in "the middle of it". Bless his heart. I think he may have ALREADY gotten too far in the middle of things! LOL

I left his office to go outside with my completely blown pupils, only to discover, the one day out of the year the sun just HAD to shine in Seattle, was today. I could barely see to drive, but decided why should THIS minor event stop me from becoming a potential auto fatality? I rubbed Buddha's belly and got in my car, saying my prayers to the Highway Heaven and drove home. Somehow I managed to make the 15 mile trek home with only one eye open and my left eye watering like a hose.

I promptly emailed Dr. SWWNBN...she promptly emailed me back. If this wasn't optic neuritis, she was placing her bets on migraine. I was considering leafing through the Yellow Pages to see if anyone was still performing lobotomies...for HER, not me!

Migraine??? But I've never had a headache in my life, I proudly emailed back. There are only a few things I take such pride in and one of them is my self-proclaimed idea I have NEVER had a headache without a cause (such as concussions, meningitis, etc.)...that, and the fact I like to rub it in that my bladder works JUST fine, thank you very much! I AM a proud person, after all.

Why in hell's name would I be experiencing my first headache/migraine at age 42?...my fingers were hot on the keyboard as I searched for any other plausible explanation for my pain. Dr. SWWNBN swiftly emailed me back (like a shot to my heart) and informed my stoopid self, "Migraines and MS are quite common". That was it. The doctor had spoken. The verdict was in...and the jury of one convicted me. I am having a migraine.

I'm new to this headache world, so pardon me if I am a bit "poo poo" about this event. I DID agree to try Verapamil (a cardiac calcium channel blocker, I think?)...but only under duress...this pain is KILLING me!

OK...it's NOT actually killing me, but I'm almost to the point with it I "wish" it would! I've had many and various "pains" in my life (some in my neck, some in my arse LOL), but I've never had this type of pressure in my head before. I am learning a greater empathy for those who suffer from migraines...it's pretty friggin' miserable.

So, I'm off to drug myself with Verapamil, Zanaflex, Mirapex, and anything else I can find that might stupefy me for a few hours of sleep. And I am hoping when I wake up in the morning, this new little migraine friend will have relocated...I'd say maybe to YOUR house, but I wouldn't wish this kind of discomfort on anyone!...I humbly bow to you MS migraine suffers...

The Aye's/Eyes Have It...

It started yesterday afternoon/evening with a teary left eye. Since I/eye was already feeling quite "crappy" with restless leg symptoms in my left leg, weakness in my right, and a magnitude 6.0 quaking spasm in my lower back, I/eye didn't pay much attention to the "eye".

This morning, I/eye awoke with a solid "ache" in both my eyes...as if my eyeballs were being squeezed in a small vise. The pain was intense, but not such that I/eye couldn't bare it...and the left eye continued to water relentlessly. I/eye couldn't ascertain if the pain was actually radiating from my eye sockets or the eyes themselves.

Dutifully (and as always), I/eye emailed Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named AFTER completing my own nursing assessment of my condition...there was no fever, no increase in pain with increased ocular pressure (put my head below my waist while standing), no unusual sinus drainage...nothing...except the additional eye pain. I/eye had been chewing on Zanaflex, Mirapex, and Advil for the past 24 hours like they were tic tacs...I/eye was being a "good" patient and resting as I/eye was told to do. Why had THIS new event now occurred?

Dr. SWWNBN had no explanation...did I/eye have a fever? No. Did I/eye have green snot blowing from my nose? No. Had I/eye ever had a cluster headache before? No. In fact, I/eye can proudly say I/eye have never had anything remotely close to the pain described by migraine suffers...unless one could include two concussions, a skull fracture, meningitis, or headache as a side effect from medication as a REAL headache! LOL The good doctor remained stumped and told me to "just rest and see how you do" (?). Like I/eye wasn't doing THAT already?!?

I/eye started taking Advil and Tylenol in a rotating, two hour pattern in an attempt to get some control over the eye pain...eventually the left eye ceased tearing as much and the pain became more localized in the left...but the pain remained too intense for my liking. I/eye substituted the Tylenol for 1/2 a Vicodin, thinking it was time to bring in the "big guns", AND I/eye emailed Dr. SWWNBN of my progress (or lack of it). I/eye didn't hear back from her.

Finally deciding to take matters into my own hands, I/eye researched "cluster headaches" on the Internet...I/eye feel confident in proclaiming I/eye do NOT have a cluster headache. Although some of my symptoms appear similar, the pain has not relented...this would normally occur with a cluster headache.

So I/eye remain puzzled as to what is wrong with my eye(s)...I/eye believe if this were O.N. (optic neuritis), I'd/eyed be experiencing an even worse excruciating pain. Sinusitis? Perhaps. Brain tumor? I/eye highly doubt it.

I(eye)'m getting ready now to go load up on as many medications as I/eye think it will take to tranquilize this elephant and try to get some sleep...between my back/legs and my eye pain, I/eye anticipate sleep will be somewhat elusive for me. I/eye DO see my favorite nurse practitioner, PP, tomorrow, so I(eye)'m hoping she can help me sort out this mystery pain (along with looking in every other orifice for my every-two-year physical exam!)...and maybe she will be able to figure out if this episode is a real relapse or secondary to some other illness/infection.

We'll "see"...or maybe NOT if this eye pain worsens!...

I'm Not Ready To Make Nice Either...

And, I'm not feeling incredibly "funny" today also...but, just for fun, I've posted the original Dixie Chicks Video of "I'm Not Ready To Make Nice", followed by a spoof from Mad TV! This should please BOTH the liberals and conservatives out there...talk amongst yourselves...LOL

Trying Not To Get My Panties In A Knot...

It's not been a "great" day thus far...as many of you know (or could at least guess), I have been putting in some very long hours at my job these past, three weeks. I seemed to be doing OK with the increased time and stress until Thursday of last week. And that's when the ol' MS began to show signs of return, like a dormant volcano puffing plumes of smoke in the air.

At first, I thought I could continue to just ignore it or, at the very minimum, work "around" it. But those of you with MS know, it is NOT a disease that takes kindly to being IGNORED! I started having a return of the creepy restless leg feelings in my left leg and the fatigue became dayumed near overwhelming...but still, I marched onward...limping a bit, but still onward. LOL

By Saturday, my nervous system went on overload and demanded I pay closer attention to it...so I did...sort of. I took the day off from work and tried to rest my body physically, thinking one day away from the stresses of work might just appease the MS gods. I have learned (repeatedly and the hard way) there is little that will satisfy the MS gods once they decide to pay me a visit, and this weekend was just a slap-in-the-face reminder of that fact.

I did make it in to work on Sunday, but not without a big struggle. My left leg demanded I keep it in constant motion and the Mirapex I started on Friday evening had done little to soothe the agitation in my leg...I think the MS gods see this drug as little more than "candy".

Last night, I slept horribly and restlessly, frequently waking up because of pains in my lower back and legs. When I crawled out of bed this morning, my legs felt like tubes of jello, wiggling and shaking, as if mocking my attempts to MAKE them work in their normal patterns. It felt like someone had stolen MY legs in the night and replaced them with some kind of soft plastic ones! My lower back felt as if it was the only thing holding me up...but not in a "good way"...the MS gods had also replaced my lower back muscles with a 4-inch-wide, tight rubber band and attached each end to a hip bone. And while they were at it, the gods zapped my "mojo"...walking to the bathroom felt like a deep breathing experience (and not the kind of deep breathing YOU are thinking, MDMHVONPA!).

Dutifully (and with slight panic rising in my chest) I emailed Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named. I have no really good reason for this, except fear. I know there is little she can do for me, but still I WANT her to do something! Oh...and I want her to do something YESTERDAY about it...that's just how I am. LOL

She did her "usual" precursory questions back and forth via email, finally settling on telling me to "just get some rest". Dayum her! I finally had to email her back to say I would "try not to get my panties in a wad just yet" and follow her instructions...rest.

I called my work this morning (quite late for me to contact them) after a tearful bout of "acceptance" and requested my boss replace me on the schedule this afternoon if they could...I was and AM in no shape to be making legal decisions on another's behalf...I am staying home to lick my own wounds once again today.

I don't know if those of you who read BrainCheese and also have Multiple Sclerosis go through this, too...that initial (and sometimes lasting) panic feeling and frantic mind game of "Is it a relapse or not?" I do...and I DO it EVERY TIME.

In the deep, dark crevasse of my mind (three lesions to the left and just below the cerebellum), there is a little voice chiding me saying, "Well, what did you EXPECT, dumb-ass?" And I know this nasty, little voice has merit...what DID I expect???

Once again, I know I "expected" my body to behave in the ways I remember it could and did BEFORE the MS diagnosis...when I felt invincible and strong. AND, post-Novantrone infusion I DID have about three weeks of a flight into wellness, feeling as if my MS had finally gone into remission after months of struggle.

But since the MS gods have been visiting me, I regret my silly expectations now...I'm not sure WHEN I will learn this very simple lesson...I must always be "mindful" of the MS gods and their potential fury. I must pay better homage to this body they inhabit now, lest they rumble in anger and displeasure.

I'm off to iron my panties now in a feeble attempt to keep them knot-less...

Answer To Easter Egg #5 Puzzler...

Just too darned smart for me! Rojoo came up with the answer to the above riddle...drum roll please...ready?....

A PARADOX...

Get it? A Pair of Docs? Arrr arr arrr...LOL

Easter Egg #6:...

As promised...I have made up business-card-sized "gentle" reminders for those who transgress and park in disabled parking spots without demonstrating appropriate LEGAL need, i.e., designated placards or license plates. The photo is what the cards look like front and back.

NOW...as my personal pledge to those of you who have either come to the dark side from AOL BrainCheese or who have had the horrible misfortune of stumbling here on your own, I give you this:

I will make YOU your very own set of 10 "gentle reminder cards" and mail them to you at your request. All you have to do is send me an email at BrainCheeseMS@aol.com with your name, mailing address (snail mail), and YOUR state of residence parking enforcement code (I can look it up for you on the Internet, but frankly I'm just too lazy!)...I will alter the printed side to reflect your state or municipality's legislative code. AND...I will do this freely. I consider this an opportunity to do some charitable donating to ANYONE with mobility issues...and to raise awareness (although people who randomly park in disabled parking spots without need, may NEED a club across the head to truly "raise" their awareness!). I am going to have to limit how many sets of 10 I can print however, due to my own "limited" time/money/energy.

See...now aren't you glad you switched to Blogspot??? This isn't being offered on the AOL site!

(Answer to Easter Egg #5 will be in the next post)

Happy (?) April Fool's Day...I Think?...

Ahhh...one of my FAVORITE holidays of the year. If you can call April Fool's a real holiday!


I did a little research tonight on the ol' Internet (my personal library, in which I do NOT have to remain quiet at all times!) and took a snippet from my dear friends at Wikipedia on the origins of April Fool's Day...it STILL remains a mystery to me. But, snippet is as follows:


Origin

The origin of this custom has been much disputed. Many theories have been suggested.
What seems certain is that it is in some way or other a relic of those once universal festivities held at the vernal equinox, which, beginning on old New Year's Day, the 25th of March, ended on the 2nd of April.
It has been suggested that Europe derived its April-fooling from the French.[2] France was one of the first nations to make January 1 officially New Year's Day (which was already celebrated by many), by decree of Charles IX. This was in 1564, even before the adoption of the Gregorian calendar (See Julian start of the year). Thus the New Year's gifts and visits of felicitation which had been the feature of the 1st of April became associated with the first day of January, and those who disliked or did not hear about the change were fair game for those wits who amused themselves by sending mock presents and paying calls of pretended ceremony on the 1st of April. French and Dutch references from 1508 and 1539 respectively describe April Fools' Day jokes and the custom of making them on the first of April.
Though the 1st of April appears to have been anciently observed in Great Britain as a general festival, it was apparently not until the beginning of the 18th century that the making of April-fools was a common custom.
In Scotland the custom was known as "hunting the gowk," i.e. the cuckoo, and April-fools were "April-gowks," the cuckoo being there, as it is in many countries, a term of contempt.
In France the person fooled is known as poisson d'avril. This has been explained from the association of ideas arising from the fact that in April the sun quits the zodiacal sign of the fish. A far more natural explanation would seem to be that the April fish would be a young fish and therefore easily caught. The French traditionally celebrated this holiday by placing dead fish on the backs of friends. Today the fish has been replaced with paper cut-out.
The Dutch celebrate the 1st of April for other reasons. In 1572, the Netherlands were ruled by Spain's King Philip II. Roaming the region were Dutch rebels who called themselves Geuzen, after the French "gueux", meaning beggars. On 1 April, 1572, the Geuzen seized the small coastal town of Den Briel. This event was also the start of the general civil rising against the Spanish in other cities in the Netherlands. The Duke of Alba, commander of the Spanish army could not prevent the uprising. Bril is the Dutch word for glasses, so on 1 April, 1572, "Alba lost his glasses". Dutch people find this joke so hilarious they still commemorate the first of April.
Chaucer's story, the Nun's Priest's Tale, written c.1400, takes place on 32 March; that is, 1 April; it is Chanticleer and the Fox, a story of two fools.


So, just for "chits and giggles", I'm slipping in EASTER EGG #5 right here with a little word puzzle. Leave a comment if you think you know the answer/can solve the riddle to this EXTREMELY simple (no challenge there, right?!?) picture/word puzzle...I'll be certain to note your brilliance in my next post if you get it right...and also tell you the answer if the little brain teaser was too much to tackle!

Easter Egg #5: What is this?

I Broke It...

It happened so quickly...we were demonstrating a self-defense technique to the class and I was on the floor. "T", my partner in training crime, was holding the kick bag and pretending to be my attacker...I was "pretending" to be a victim on the ground, about to be assaulted with a knife. We had done this maneuver before together...we were the "trainers", not the trainees after all...skilled and aware of the safety issues of the class.

I gave a solid blow to her knee in the direction of the kick bag (with my allegedly weak leg) and that's when it happened. My foot slipped up under the kick bag and connected with "T's" knee, nearly buckling the leg.

There wasn't any swelling initially..."T" remained a trooper and returned later in the day to instruct ANOTHER 4 hour session with our coworkers...but the "knee" was very sore. I hung my head, feeling like an idiot who had just sternly instructed my coworkers (the trainees) on the issues of SAFETY while in the course, the need for careful attention to detail, and to NOT injure one another.

"T" called me today while I was in a 9 hour Union meeting. There's a crack in her bone...not fractured through, but cracked. She can't walk on the leg and the doctor has instructed her to stay off of it to give it time to "heal".

She tells me, "Well, that technique really works cuz this is proof. I'm supposed to stay off my leg and it should heal just fine."

Unfortunately, while she's going home to heal, I feel like a heel...

Easter Egg #4...Warning: Fornication Under Consent of the King Alert...

Yes, there is a swear word here...but I simply could NOT resist "stealing" this sign from FUNKY MANGO's site: http://www.margomilne.com/wordpress/ . And, there are a few more on Funky's site that are well worth the click on the link!

I'm considering making business-card-sized versions of this sign with the Washington State parking enforcement code on the back...that way, when I come across a lazy B-turd parking illegally in a disabled spot, I can simply leave them a "gentle" reminder slapped on their windshield!

Besides, leaving handwritten notes on panty liners stuck to their windows (hey...they work GREAT for this because of the adhesive backs...you can thank me later for this "tip"...LOL) has become costly!

No Rest For The Wicked...

Peggy used to say that...my mother, that is. "No rest for the wicked". To this day, I have no idea what exactly that saying meant coming from her! LOL

All I know is I must have racked up some "wicked" points in the past few months because I've had no REST at all these last few weeks...my job has been extremely fast-paced and relentless lately and I am nearly "too pooped to pop" (another "Pegism"...she had some good ones, didn't she?!?).

Tomorrow morning, I return to work at the crack of dawn (7:30AM) to present two, 4 hour training sessions ON MY DAY OFF, I might add. I will literally be at work from 7:30 in the morning to 11:00PM at night...you may now make wagers on exactly how "wicked" I have been recently...LOL.

I have become so tired recently, I find myself waking up each morning and saying the MS Prayer...you know the one..."Dear God, please don't give me a relapse of my multiple sclerosis today. And if you must, please let it kill me."

I very much doubt between now and Saturday I will find the time to post anything on either BrainCheese sites (you AOL-ers REALLY need to get on board and switch to the dark side of BrainCheese at Blogspot: http://www.brain-cheese.blogspot.com/ )...I also have an all day meeting to attend starting at 9:00AM on Friday. As I have told Corrine via a private email, "I imagine I will be ass-spanking insane by the time this month is over"!!! Well, at least I work in the business of "insane", so it IS familiar territory...

So, I'm off to go about my "wicked" ways...I have some typing and an outline to get completed before dawn shows her gnarly face in the morning. I imagine by 11:00PM tomorrow I will feel as if I have been "rode hard, and put up wet". Someone should really thank my mother for these God-awful sayings...anybody have a Ouija Board handy so we can call her??...LOL...

Easter Egg #3...Or, 25 Things I Think You Should Commit To Memory...LOL

(01) Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.

(02) The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickle the company once had.

(03) A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

(04) Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.

(05) The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

(06) A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

(07) A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

(08) A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

(09) A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.

(10) 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

(11) Every person has a unique eye & tongue print.

(12) The "spot" on the 7-Up comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.

(13) 315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.

(14) Chocolate kills dogs. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.

(15) Most lipstick contains fish scales.

(16) Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

(17) Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

(18) There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

(19) There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

(20) If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

(21) By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

(22) Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

(23) Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

(24) Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

(25) The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.