I recently had the distinct displeasure of dealing with an adult *BULLY*. And, because here on CHEESE, even the utterly dysfunctional have a right to a concealed identity, I will go into little more detail than that. But suffice it to say, the experience got me thinking about *bullies* and how/why they even exist.One could try to blame Darwin's *Survival of the Fittest* explanation on this one, but I'd have a hard time making a solid case that *bullying* is a higher level of functioning or a superior/stronger vantage place. In fact, *bullying* is quite the opposite. The act stems from a weakened personality attempting to exert control over another...often times trying to exert control OVER someone they fear is superior to them in some way.
*Bullies* find great comfort in transferring their inner most fears onto another...thus the need to CREATE fear by force externally. It is in the act of creating fear in another a *bully* is temporarily defocused on themselves...they feel a temporary sense of mastery and power, which has been deeply lacking in their internal selves. Because a *bully* spends so much time wallowing in their own inadequacies and fears, this temporary "relief"...creating fear or doubt in another...brings them a false sense of comfort.
Children deal with *bullies* every day. This has become a norm of childhood, not the anomaly. And as children, *bullies* also try to instill fear in other children because of a desire to relieve their OWN fears. As adults, *bullies* simply become more sophisticated in their approach...but the end product is still the same.
Yes, behind every *bully* at ANY age, lies a big ol' pile of crap...something a *bully* can spend their entire lives trying to cover up...
That's a good insight. I am still recovering from the emotional bruising I got at my last job because the big boss was a big bully. She was an insecure woman with lots of power and needed to prove something and yelled at me (and others) for what she thought I was about to say. But what has me puzzled is how she was able to collect an army of little bullies around her. She had so many suck-ups attached to her butt it's amazing she could sit down. THAT is the issue that scares me - how bullies can rally an entire country to commit genocide, for example.
ReplyDeleteThanks for giving me some insight and stuff to think about.
My sister was bullied as a child and I remember how horrible that was. I've even seen adult bullies throughout the years. I'm guessing the adult bullies are the kid bullies that grew up and were never taught right from wrong. Or taught about peoples feelings.
ReplyDeleteOh Brainy-Cheesey one!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to start snatching your posts as my own if you don't stop being so smart. I have *adult bullies* bothering the hell out of me via blog (and one via life, *snickers*) and I want a t-shirt with your message condensed in one line.
Not possible, I know.
Sigh.
I tell my son pretty much the same things! Bullies are insecure and they try to bring everyone else down to their level.
ReplyDeleteAs adults, I just try to recognize them early and avoid playing their games.
The most difficult situations are when the bully is your boss. Managing a poor manager is rough.
Hear, hear.
ReplyDeleteIf every bully comes with a pile o' crap, I say it's free ammunition! Pick that crap up and lob it right at 'em! Monkey style!
ReplyDeleteAhhh, yes, the bully. My eight year old daughter is dealing with the one of the worst species of bully. The female, catty, bully. Making her feel like an outcast, like her clothes aren't good enough, etc.
ReplyDeleteAnd they are only 8!! I don't remember these things coming into my life until high school!
Is it wrong of me that I want to strangle this kid? More importantly, is it illegal? :)
I love your blog, I'm here every day, just don't comment often.
will be dealing with a school teacher bully as soon as she returns my phone call. She told my daughter she has a brain disorder.........not good
ReplyDeleteI'm 58 years old and I still have problems with bullies!!!!!! It never ends and some people never change.
ReplyDeleteI have never learned of anything that works with bullies other than just avoiding them. When they aren't abusing, they are exploiting.
That said, I love the graphic! You are so funny.
My neighbor is a bully--a full-grown man and I am in a w/c. He is fine with me in front of the other neighbors, but when he gets me alone in our yards you never know what to expect...I always try to be calm when I talk to him and once I even outwitted him but he is so stupid he didn't get it! I have figured out avoidance is the only way to survive him--the neighbors and his wife wouldn't believe how he treats me...
ReplyDeleteReading these comments makes me so mad for the parents of the kids being bullied. I don't know how you restrain yourself from beating up the bully yourself. I had a foster kid that some older boys picked on when she was walking home from school one day. She came in with grass stains on her jeans and when I asked her what had happened (I don't care about clothes being kept clean, I was just curious) she told me that some boys in the next grade were teasing her so she had to beat them up. I said nothing but, okay, but was thinking good for you! I was hoping the parents of those boys would call me to complain that my 7 year old foster kid beat up their older boys, but no such luck. Last year Princess had a problem with 2 boys in her class picking on her, which they did without the teacher seeing. I told her to get them back and if she got in trouble (she was worried about that) I would go to her school with a smile on my face to ask what my little girl did to those 2 big beefy bullying boys. Sorry so long, just had to share my favorite "foster kid" story and my remedy for bullying -- fight back! (Well, where you can. Don't get yourself shot or anything. I'd miss you!)
ReplyDeleteI am a large man but grew up skinny so I know about bullys. But let me tell you about the little bullies of the world. I would be a wealthy man if i had a dime for every little man out there trying to prove himself at my exspence. Let me tell you it has been a problem. Many think its open season on large men becouse they have something to prove to you and themselves. Often large people will be singled out by the bully so they can make an impression on others about how fearless and tuff they are.
ReplyDelete