Stranger Than Fiction...At 6:30 In The Morning!...

You've all heard of the One Hundredth Monkey Theory, right? The alleged story of the 99 monkeys on the island of Koshima that, according to Dr. Lyall Watson, began washing sweet potatoes in the sea? Then along came the 100th monkey to join the group and this addition somehow set off some kind of "critical mass theory", causing all the monkeys on the island to begin to wash sweet potatoes? And then somehow telepathically, monkeys on neighboring islands ALSO started washing sweet potatoes in the sea spontaneously?? And the theory proposed was there is some kind of cosmic learning that can take place causing "shifts" in nature and behavior when this critical mass is achieved??? You REMEMBER this theory, right?!? LOL

Well...all I can say...all I WILL say...is WATCH YOUR CATS, PEOPLE!!!!!!! There's some really strange "learning" going on in my house and I fear it could be "catching"...telepathically...

This morning, still in the shadow of Dawn's Crack at 6:30AM, I arose to the hateful blaring of beeps of my alarm clock, and stumbled into the darkness of my bathroom...a typical process I do even IF I am not having to get up at such an ungodly hour. The general bathroom time exchange goes as follows:

1. I sit down to pee.


2. I begin to pee.


3. Meha, AKA Princess O' Darkness, my cat, comes barreling into the bathroom for her "I've got you as a captive audience for attention with your pants down now" time, in which I have to pick her up while she wallows around on me...during my pee.


4. Eventually she jumps down and will occasionally then use her own litter box or scamper out of the bathroom, leaving me to finish my business in peace.

Now, let me back up just a bit here...over the past few weeks, I had noticed the P.O.D. (Princess O' Darkness) was not appearing to produce as much urine in her litter box as has been typical. "How do I know this", you ask? Because her SERVANT, AKA, Me, has to clean the darned thing out twice a day!

But, being the ever-caring servant to a cat that I am, I watched her for signs of possible illness and increased her water in her wet food. Alas, nothing changed. She neither became ill nor increased her urine output. I kind of let the whole notion of the change go to the back of my mind. I mean no change is GOOD change, right?

So...back to this morning at my wretched urination hour. I am sitting on the commode after the P.O.D's shameless "hand-whoring" on my lap, and she jumps down and hops into the bathtub. This, in itself, is not unusual either...she's a busy cat.

I'm really not paying much attention to her at this point. After all, I'm tired, I'm crabby, I'm on steroids, it's too early, I have to go to work, etc. But for some reason, I do glance over at her in the bathtub through the filmy slits in my eyes. And, what I see next, I can barely utter out loud...I am STILL not certain if I should be fearful for my life or completely amazed and astounded!

I cast my eyes in the P.O.D.'s direction and it doesn't immediately dawn on me that she is squatting over the drain hole in the bathtub. I sort of stare at her as though her position is not registering in my brain as "odd" or I am completely stoned out of my head...neither of which proves to be true.

And then I HEARD it...the all-too-faint sound of a trickle of water. And that tiny trickle of water was echoing in the bathtub drain pipe! My cat, the once-thought-to-be-retarded-kitten, the Princess O' Darkness, my precious fur ball is...URINATING IN MY BATHTUB DRAIN!!!!!!!!

She turned and glanced at me over her shoulder while finishing her "business" in my drain, staring at me with a, "What are YOU looking at?" gaze, as if I should have already known she was smart enough to pee in a hole in the ground! I am certain I heard her tiny cat telepathic message saying, "Well YOU pee in that big hole. I get to pee in the little one."

My cat, as you may recall, BELIEVES she is human...she also "believes" she owns me. I'd have to admit, the latter statement IS most likely true. And somehow, some way, she has taught herself to mimic MY behaviors in the "terlet".

I am afraid...and if you are a cat servant yourself, YOU should be afraid, too. Especially if that "Hunert Minky Theory" is correct...LOL...